Sasha Townsend

Update

2010-09-23T09:32:00.002-05:00

Dear friends and family,
It's been a while since I updated my blog! I apologize. I've been making appearances as Mrs. Green Country, working hard for children of divorce through Blended Love, teaching calculus and differential equations at Tulsa Community College, and teaching marriage workshops for the Oklahoma Marriage Initiative. I also spend time with my friends and family, and spend a lot of time taking care of five dogs! (Does anyone want a 5-month-old black lab puppy? I have two little girls left and they are precious!) My point in writing all of this is that I've been really busy living life...I just haven't had time to write about it. I'm not sure what my plans are for this blog, but to be honest, I don't have time to make plans for the blog right now. I just have other priorities, priorities that I'm comfortable with.

I will say that things are going very, very well with Blended Love! The program development committee is working hard to produce the first in a series of online staff development courses for teachers. We've raised money, reduced the cost per student of the Change Agent Journal Program and will be able to serve in more schools this fall as a result. Right now, we're in the process of writing a case statement (so that we can make our case for responsible stewardship of potential donors' money) and we're gearing up to recruit volunteers. We have a wonderful board of directors and two passionate public servants in Monica and me -- but we have an enormous amount of work to do. We need the creativity, intelligence, passion, and dedication of a larger group of people to accomplish our goals. Knowing Tulsans, I'm confident that Blended Love will be able to find people with the heart to give of themselves for a group of children that can't speak for themselves.

I also got a new job at Tulsa Community College, as a "math instructional specialist" AKA the supervisor for the math & science laboratory. We help students by offering free tutoring and supplemental resources on the metro campus. I'm so excited about this job...It is a huge opportunity to serve students and leave a legacy. Quality education is so important. I feel that the students who want to learn should have the best resources available to help them. I start next week!

Well, that's my update on my life, at least in the world of work and service as a teacher and nonprofit leader. :) I'm keeping the family matters to myself these days, but I will say Bobby and the doggies are doing great! I continue to have a desire to serve as Mrs. America and help children and families all over the country. For now, I'm just focusing on Green Country.

I'll write again soon.
Thanks for reading and God bless you and your family.
Sasha

Mrs. Tulsa 2010 is Mrs. Green Country 2011!

2010-07-15T19:25:00.004-05:00

I'm excited to announce that I've been selected to serve as Mrs. Green Country 2011!

It's going to be a great year! I have a wonderful new sponsor in Tulsa Gold & Gems. I've been invited to be a part of so many wonderful service projects and benefits for wonderful causes in the Tulsa area. Things with Blended Love are taking off faster and better than I could have ever imagined (thanks to my awesome Lord and Savior, a fabulously talented partner in Monica Epperson, and a brilliant, excited, passionate board of directors).

I find myself overusing the words "excited" and "wonderful", using far too many emoticons and using even more exclamation points. I'm bubbling over with joy at the things that God is doing for children of divorce, teachers, and families this year. Bobby and I have begun conversations about having a baby (not this year, but possibly next), and I have a very clear idea of God's plan for me now, although I don't know His timeline. While it was initially scary knowing so much (I was so afraid that I was going to ruin God's plan), God has been teaching me to rely on Him completely and trust Him more and more. It has been a challenge for me as a typical child of divorce but also very freeing to let go of my fears and rely completely on the Man in charge.

Regardless of what happens at the Mrs. Oklahoma pageant this January, I'm devoting myself to serving others, continuing my work with the Oklahoma Marriage Initiative & Kendall Whittier, Inc., and expanding the services and working with Monica on strategic planning for Blended Love. This is the season for service and growth. This season is about family and relationships. My Mrs. Green Country title is simply a vehicle that will allow me to further my mission and be a blessing to others.

While I still desire to be Mrs. America, I'm focusing more on the service that God created me for. I want to be the best Mrs. Green Country this region has ever had. I want to leave a legacy and be a blessing. Mrs. Oklahoma or not, I have complete faith that this is going to happen. Then, when I meet the state pageant judges on January 22, I am going to share my passion with them and see what happens.

I'd like to thank my wonderful husband Bobby Townsend, my fabulous friends & family, Spencer Fisher of Tulsa Gold & Gems, Gary & Ann Murphy and the fabulous team at New Day Media, Rachel Flint of Corinthian Fitness, Aspen Athletic Club at 61st & Memorial, Eddie Tillis and the Mr. Body Fat gang, Amy Moore of Men's Wearhouse, Ilquia Anderson, hair & make-up artist, Monica Epperson & the entire Blended Love board of directors, Amanda Carter, Kendy Cox, Liz Silva, and the entire team at the Oklahoma Marriage Initiative for your support and belief in me. I honestly wouldn't be able to compete without my generous sponsors. All of you remind me why I continue to compete.

Sometimes, the pageant world is far from pretty (a few ugly people can ruin the experience for so many), but when you have the opportunity to really make a difference and develop relationships that exceed your wildest expectations, the positives outweigh the negatives. I remember Nicole Johnson, Miss America 1999, speaking on stage at the Miss University of South Florida pageant about the $13 million she had raised for diabetes research -- and I still want to make a difference like that, 11 years later. I can't think of a better vehicle to spread my message of supporting children of divorce and strengthening marriage through relationship education than the title of Mrs. America. Thank you again for your support! God bless you and your families!

New blog!

2010-06-17T14:46:00.002-05:00

Dear friends, I have created a new blog, a blog that focuses on supporting families & addressing divorce, and my thoughts and work as an advocate for children of divorce and an adult child of divorce. It's definitely a work in progress (I just started it). My goal is to provide a central location for articles about nurturing our marriages and supporting our most vulnerable citizens, our nation's children. I also hope to add to the chorus of adult voices who speak for the child of divorce.

I'm writing the friends & family newsletter for my supporters and closest loved ones, and I'm still available and interested in making appearances to support other important causes, such as the Ronald McDonald golf tournament in Claremore this Saturday. Please email me at SashaMTownsend@gmail.com if you'd like to be on my Mrs. Tulsa mailing list.

Life has taken a new turn. I'm living my dream. It's rarely an easy road but I have so much joy on the journey. I hope you'll follow my advocacy efforts, and read and comment on my marriage & family posts at FamilyMattersOK.wordpress.com. God bless you & your family!

Mrs. Oklahoma Evening Wear Competition

2010-05-19T21:17:00.011-05:00

Here are some photos by Mrs. Oklahoma pageant photographer, Larry Wright, taken during the evening wear competition. I am wearing a gown that makes me feel like a queen, designed by Oklahoma's own Johnathan Kayne Gillespie of Project Runway fame. Johnathan has said that it's easy to make women look beautiful; it's his goal to make women feel beautiful. He definitely succeeded. With his gorgeous gown and his stunning choice for my earrings, and Ilquia Anderson's beautiful hair & make-up, I felt like I could be the next Mrs. America. Thank you so much for making me feel beautiful -- and thank you, Larry, for capturing that on film!

"Body By Aspen"

2010-05-19T21:00:00.012-05:00

I wanted to thank Aspen Athletic Club for their generous fitness sponsorship for my year of service as Mrs. Tulsa. I can honestly say that I was in the best shape of my adult life at the Mrs. Oklahoma pageant, and I hope to be even more healthy and fit a year from now, when I compete for the state title again in 2011. Here are some photos by the official Mrs. Oklahoma pageant photographer, Larry Wright, that show just what a "body by Aspen" looks like!

Thank you so much to Rob, Jerry, Joe, and the entire Aspen team for helping me to uncover long-hidden muscle definition and increase my stamina and energy more than I ever thought possible. Thank you again for helping me get into the best shape of my life!

Aspen Athletic Club at 61st & Memorial

New Autograph Cards & 2011 Sponsorship Opportunities

2010-05-19T20:27:00.008-05:00

Front side of the autograph card

Back side of the autograph card
All Images by Larry Wright, www.PhotoByLarry.com

I recently received my Mrs. Oklahoma Pageant photos from pageant photographer, Larry Wright, and used them to design my new autograph cards! I will be signing these at upcoming events on May 22, June 5, June 15, August 7, and September 11, or until they run out!

Let me know if you or anyone you know would like to support me in my goal of serving the state and then the country as Mrs. Oklahoma and Mrs. America! Sponsors receive advertising on my website, blog, and social networking sites; advertisement on my autograph cards and friends & family newsletter; and any other benefits that we agree to, such as an autograph signing at your place of business or my services as a spokesmodel in commercials for your company. Let me know as soon as possible if you would like to be listed on my next set of autograph cards.

I am currently seeking monetary sponsors to help with my 2011 entry fee and pageant expenses, as well as those sponsors who would like to donate use of products and services, in exchange for advertising. I do everything I can to make the relationship mutually beneficial. It is very important to me that both parties feel comfortable with our agreement; you can change the sponsorship agreement at any time if you find it isn't working out for you.

Email me at SashaMTownsend@gmail.com if you or someone you know would like to support my dream and efforts to support couples, children, and families throughout the country as Mrs. America 2011.

May 2010 Newsletter

2010-05-19T20:01:00.004-05:00

Hello, everyone! Last month I began publishing a newsletter for family & friends. I will continue to update my blog with posts about supporting families and addressing divorce, but I will leave most of the personal messages for the friends & family newsletter. Send me an email at SashaMTownsend@gmail.com if you'd like to be a part of the mailing list. Many blessings!

Click Here To View The Newsletter

Update

2010-05-10T17:28:00.004-05:00

Dear family and friends,
The weeks since the Mrs. Oklahoma pageant have flown by!

We have lots of new developments with Blended Love that have been keeping Monica and me very busy and focused (These developments will be announced more formally very soon!). I finished up a semester of teaching trigonometry at TCC. I have continued my work with the Oklahoma Marriage Initiative. While I'm still busy (and I love it), I have enjoyed a much needed break! I also took a part-time job for a few hours per week at the Emerald Emporium, which is a deli located in the Park Centre building downtown; judged the Oklahoma Fabulous Faces pageant (the little ones were sooo precious!); spoke for a few minutes at the Tulsa Forever. For Real. one day event for engaged couples (thanks, Amanda, for giving me a few minutes to share my passion, mission, vision, and resources), and I'm getting ready for a few more events and speaking engagements in the coming months...as Mrs. Tulsa, the executive director of Blended Love, ambassador for OMI, and as a friend and family member. I'll be signing autographs next weekend at a golf tournament benefit for the Ronald McDonald house! Please visit the link to register!

Bobby and I are doing well! Bobby is working very hard as always, and we're both working towards our goals and dreams at a slow-but-steady pace. I've probably had one too many mint oreos since the Mrs. Oklahoma pageant, but I have kept up my pageant workouts, so I'm confident that my commitment to health and wellness is here to stay. I returned to Toastmasters two weeks ago and won the Best Speaker award last Monday for a speech titled, Nurturing Commitment.

My sister Jade was in town for the pageant. We had a great time! It had been years since we had seen each other, although we typically talk on the phone a few times per week. I miss her so much. I am so proud of her for the woman she has become and the mother she is to my nephew Michael and my niece Ella.

I also visited my dad last Friday and we had a very nice visit.

Saturday, Bobby made an Elmo cake for our nephew Tysen's 2nd birthday party! We had so much fun. Carla and Tom did a lovely job planning the party for their son. Tysen is just such a good boy. He blew on the cake when the candle was lit. He said, "Elmo, hot!" Then Ty was so concerned when we cut the cake into pieces. I had been reading about child development for my work on the training manuals for Blended Love. I remembered reading that children in Tysen's age group can't tell the difference between a shoe and a picture of a shoe. He really thought we were cutting up Elmo! Then we brought him his stuffed animal and he felt a little better, although he did look back and forth from the cake to the Elmo doll a few times. It's so neat to watch him learning. His young mind is a sponge. And he's such a compassionate little boy, so good-natured. I can't wait until Bobby and I feel ready to have a baby of our own. Until then, I'll just have to nurture our doggies! It will all happen in God's time.

Yesterday, I attended Asbury United Methodist Church, and heard a beautiful sermon on motherhood. Then, when Bobby finished up at work, we took our mother-in-law Ada out to Olive Garden. We had a really nice time, great conversation. I called my mom and sent texts to all of my mommy-friends. :) I got a few texts myself, because of the doggies, which I thought was sweet. Overall, we had a very nice day, even though I missed my mom.

I'm continuing to serve as Mrs. Tulsa until the end of the summer. I'm not 100% sure about competing again in 2011, but I do hope to compete. I have to discuss it with Bobby and pray about it, but I do hope to compete again because the Mrs. America title would be the perfect platform to share the Oklahoma Marriage Initiative model with state legislatures around the country. I believe that marriage and relationship education should be easily accessible and widely available. I also believe that every child should have access to guidance and support after family change, and parents and teachers are seeking information to help their children. They are seeking information that just isn't there right now. The Oklahoma Marriage Initiative and Blended Love are working to change that. We believe in education. We believe that knowledge is power, and that individuals, armed with compassionate hearts and good information, will make choices and small changes to improve their lives, shaping their families and relationships.

As Americans, we say that family matters, that family comes first, and the majority of us believe it. I think we ought to show it. We ought to invest in this institution of family. This is something that transcends political and religious affiliations, and the other cultures and subcultures that make our country diverse, rich, and interesting. This is something we all have in common. We all know that family matters. I want to strengthen families... and I want to enlist the help of everyone who agrees with me. Our differences are our strengths. :) We cannot do it alone, but together, and with God's help and blessing, we can change our little corner of the world, one couple and one family at a time.

I'll post pictures soon!
God bless you and your family!
Sasha

The Mrs. Oklahoma Pageant

2010-05-10T17:21:00.012-05:00

Hi everyone! I had an amazing time at the Mrs. Oklahoma Pageant this weekend. Alyssa Baldwin Siler is the new Mrs. Oklahoma! I couldn't be happier for her! The competition was incredible. It was such a competitive year. Tracy and her team produced an excellent pageant. It was clear from the moment I decided to compete that Tracy loves her contestants and wants each of them to do their personal best as public servants and contestants at the state and national and possible international pageants of Mrs. Oklahoma, Mrs. America, and Mrs. World.

Mrs. Oklahoma 2009 Heather Rouba has left an incedible legacy. She left a legacy of service to others, through her platform of strengthening marriage and family, through her service and message to the women of Oklahoma, and her dedication to the contestants and leadership of the Mrs. Oklahoma America organization. She is also a gorgeous, fashion-forward, health-conscious, creative, talented, determined, community-minded, extremely efficient woman of faith. She is always learning and she is very observant. She made over 250 appearances I believe (I'm quoting this from another person. I may be wrong...). In addition to making appearances and serving others through OMI, Smart Singles, and the women's ministry at her church, she assisted Tracy with the recruitment of a group of beautiful, fit, articulate, service-minded women I competed with this weekend and connected many sponsors with the Mrs. Oklahoma program. She set a very high standard for what it means to be Mrs. Oklahoma. From my interactions with Alyssa this weekend, I know that with Alyssa as our own Mrs. Oklahoma, the pageant, the caliber of contestants, the involvement with OK Mozart and our personal platforms, will only improve! The Mrs. Oklahoma program will continue to grow and the organization and its contributions will be better a year from now than they are today.

As for the competition itself, as I said, these women were incredible! Among the group of 19, there were easily more than ten of us who could have made the top ten. This was a group of go-getters as I have never seen before at a pageant, (and many of you know that I have competed in many pageants over the years). These women had great abs(!!!), and incredible service records, and impressive resumes. They were also genuine and kind. They thought of every detail. They have such good hearts! I believe that every contestant sold at least one ad page, which is a testimony to the fact that these women are as proactive and dedicated as they are beautiful. The women I competed with this weekend were all very different, but each person had something wonderful to offer. I can honestly say I made many, many great new friends. These are women that I admire and respect. Although I'm not Mrs. Oklahoma 2010, I feel that I have won. :)

I was honored to make the top ten. I also earned the Ambassador Award, which is given to the contestant who makes the most appearances with her local title, and the Contestant's Choice award. Contestant's Choice was a huge honor, because the contestants were asked to select the person they hoped would win (if it couldn't be them). I devoted the last eight months to serving Tulsa. I made many appearances, with the majority related to my platform of supporting families & addressing divorce. My service efforts, new relationships, my job with Blended Love, the commitment I made to health & fitness and developing my speaking skills...these things have forever changed me. In the past eight months, I have seen that anyone, at any time, in any financial situation, can make their dreams come true by striving to achieve a goal and contributing their talents and strengths and passion to their local community.

I believe God has many purposes for each of us, and addressing the divorce issue is one of mine. Everything I learned in the pursuit of becoming Mrs. Oklahoma has helped me to step out of my comfort zone and develop myself, so that I can give of myself. Self-centered personal development isn't what Mrs. Oklahoma is about. It is personal development for a purpose; its personal development so that you can serve and share God's love with others.

I want to thank Tracy Crist for giving all of us this opportunity to serve and to grow. Alyssa, Bobby and I were both impressed with the way you handled the "number" situation in the lobby of the Sleep Inn! You are smart and resourceful. You took initiative. You're a problem solver. CF is such an important cause. I also loved talking to you in the wings in our little "clump". I can't wait to follow your year! You are already an outstanding Mrs. Oklahoma. Heather, thank you for your leadership, friendship and example. You have shown us what it means to be Mrs. Oklahoma! I love you! To my fellow contestants, I admire and respect every one of you, and I mean Every One. Please stay in touch!

I want to thank my handsome husband Bobby for supporting me in my desire to serve our state as Mrs. Oklahoma. I am so blessed to be yours. :) You make me feel like the most beautiful woman in the world. It is your belief in me that helped me to believe in myself. I love you! Jade, thank you for traveling all the way from Florida to experience this with me! I love you! Ilquia, I love you, girl! I'm so glad to know you and to be your friend. You made me look so beautiful! Thank you!

Today, I find myself remembering that all things happen for a reason. Competition in pageantry is about the journey, not the destination. Being a titleholder is never about you; it's always about serving others. Every opportunity you embrace to do good brings you one step closer to being the person God created you to be. If you make a commitment, follow through. If you do your best, you've won. Today, while I know that I have much more to learn, I know I'm a child of God; I'm grateful for this experience; I feel like a winner. :)

I would like to thank my sponsors. My pageant participation wouldn't be possible without the generosity and kindness of these wonderful business people. Please patronize these business owners and find them on facebook!

*Ilquia Gonzalez Anderson, who provided my hair & make-up (I love you, Ilquia!!)

*Dr. Lauren Whenry, my dentist, who provided free in-office teeth whitening and an at-home touch up kit (My smile as never been so white! Thank you!);

*Oxygen, Inc., who provided a beautiful appearance wardrobe (You have made me look and feel beautiful for months! Thank you so much!);

*Amanda Carter, Kendy Cox, and the Oklahoma Marriage Initiative, who sponsored my platform ad page for the program book. Thank you for giving me opportunities to support our mutual cause! I'm so grateful to be a part of the work of OMI.

*New Day Media & Gary Murphy, who provided my iFace video and public service announcements for OMI & Forever. For Real. Thank you for believing in me! You are awesome!

*Aspen Athletic Club, who provided me with a free membership through June 30 (I've never been so fit! Thanks!)

*Wendy Mutz, who provided my Mrs. Tulsa promotional photos (I adore my photos, Wendy! Thank you! Also, thank you for the Just Chill drinks for all of the contestants!);

*My friends and family, who donated money so that I could pay for my alterations. Thank you so much! I felt like a queen in my gown. Your support means more than you know.

*Monica Epperson & Blended Love, for giving me the opportunity to live my dream.

Forgiving the Little Things...

2010-04-01T22:32:00.005-05:00

Happy couples forgive the little things easily. In other words, they give their partners the benefit of the doubt. Forgiving the little things is a willingness to cut your partner some slack when he makes small mistakes, including those moments when he isn't being particularly polite or sensitive. This doesn't mean that you are excusing bad behavior or even being silent about it. It does mean that you're able to look past small mistakes and able to remember that your partner is still a good person.

If you're having trouble forgiving the little things, try these attitude adjustments:

Consider the circumstances, rather than blaming your partner. When we make mistakes, we have a tendency to blame extenuating circumstances. When others make mistakes, we tend to attribute the mistake to a character flaw. For the small mistakes, give your partner the benefit of the doubt. If your partner is in a bad mood, consider the possibility that he or she may be upset about something that he or she feels is important, or the possibility that your partner is ill, hungry, tired or overworked. Our relationships get into trouble when we begin to label our partners negatively. If you can empathize and remember that your partner is a good person, your relationship will be better for it.
Consider your own mood at the time. It's possible that you may be viewing the world more negatively because you are ill, hungry, tired or overworked, or upset about something important. Ask yourself, "If I was in a better mood, would I view this situation differently?"
Consider the possibility that conflict and negativity has been escalating for a while. Maybe your partner did hurt you on purpose, because you hurt him on purpose last week, and you hurt him on purpose last week because of some nasty comment he made the day before. Realize that your escalation is moving you farther and farther apart. It's not getting you anywhere and both of you are becoming less and less happy. Make a decision to end the cycle. Agree to a truce if possible. Even if your partner never knows you're doing it, if you begin to treat your partner with thoughtfulness and consideration, it is likely that, in time, he or she will respond in kind to you as well. This is easier said than done, I know, but it can be done. If you want your relationship to become more satisfying, you have to begin planting positivity. Over time, you'll very likely reap what you sow.

Update

2010-04-01T22:13:00.003-05:00

Dear friends and family,
Life has been busy lately, as the Mrs. Oklahoma Pageant is less than two weeks away! I have pictures to post and entries to write, but I haven't had the time to update my blog lately. Thank you for continuing to read if you are reading this!

In the last few weeks, I have visited with Mrs. Mills' 5th grade class. I have been teaching Forever. For Real. on Monday evenings at St. Gregory's University and Thursday nights at Family & Children's Services on Peoria. I also taped a public service announcement for the Oklahoma Marriage Initiative at New Day Media (I can't wait to post it!). I visited the Mrs. Missouri pageant and attended the Tulsa concert of OK Mozart's Spring Concert Tour. I've also been working on the developmental psychology component of the most recent revision to our training materials for Blended Love's teachers and volunteers. It has been exciting and fun, and I have met many wonderful and interesting people, including many who support my platform and want to help OMI and Blended Love. I have learned so much and look forward to writing about my experiences and the results of my research here.

I've also been taking care of the final details for Mrs. Oklahoma. I can't believe the pageant is only two weeks away! I'm not as fit as I would like to be, but I'm doing my best to prepare, focusing on my strengths, and keeping my values and beliefs in mind. I don't believe a contestant will win when she is trying to be someone she's not. I'm getting ready to share my heart with the judges, contestants, and staff, and keeping everything in perspective. God's will be done! All things happen for a reason, and all things work together for good for those who love Him. I'm ready for whatever He has in store for me, and I'm looking forward to spending time with my amazing fellow contestants and our husbands, and enjoying our state pageant experience.

I better run now! I'm so sleepy. Thank you for reading. I will post more pictures, journal entries about my latest appearances, and articles soon.

Good night, friends!

Hair & Make-Up by Ilquia

2010-03-21T16:35:00.010-05:00

On March 13, I drove to Oklahoma City to take photos for Ilquia's hair and make-up advertisement for the Mrs. Oklahoma pageant program book. The talented April Brock of Brock's Photography took these beautiful photos. Thank you both! I'd also like to thank Sarah Oh and Oxygen, Inc., for providing my wardrobe. It get so many compliments because of the three of you! You make me feel like a queen! Here are a few photos from the shoot.

Forever. For Real. on March 11

2010-03-21T16:25:00.002-05:00

On March 11, I began a Forever. For Real. workshop series with co-leader Pastor Rick Tabisz, of King Of Kings Lutheran Church in Glenpool, at Family & Children's Services on Peoria. Rick is an excellent speaker and a great asset for couples. He truly has a heart for service and works to make every couple feel comfortable and welcome at our workshop. I think we compliment each other well. I enjoy working with him very much!

That evening, Rick and I spent some time getting to know you couples and allowing the couples to get to know each other. Rick gave an overview of the curriculum and I taught my favorite lesson, on the four communication danger signs and the time out technique. I enjoy teaching this every time! I am very much looking forward to the rest of the series.

Forever. For Real. on March 8

2010-03-21T15:52:00.007-05:00

On March 8, I hosted the first of seven workshops in an OMI Forever. For Real. workshop series at St. Gregory's University. We have a very diverse group, with a few engaged couples, a few couples that have been married between five and ten years, and a couple of couples whose children recently left home. Everyone said they were interested in keeping the spark alive (or reigniting that spark now that the kids are gone). The couples also said that they wanted to communicate better.

In our first week, we spent some time getting to know each other, discussing our expectations and perceptions about what relationships are like today, and then we learned the four communication danger signs and the time-out technique.

As I was teaching the four communication danger signs, I could see light bulbs going off as the workshop attendees began to recognize the habits of communication that were damaging their relationships. These danger signs erode the positives, especially our sense of emotional safety, in the relationship over time.

Emotional safety is the freedom
to really be yourself with someone.

It's virtually impossible to feel safe and to be able to connect with someone when you are walking on eggshells, when you are feeling unappreciated, disrespected, and undervalued, and when you fear being vulnerable with your mate because your partner may use that vulnerability against you in the future. These feelings are consequences of the negative communication patterns we call the danger signs.

Then, I offered our couples at least a temporary solution: We discussed time-out. When we recognize the danger signs, it's time to call a time out. Then, we do something to cool off, and have a time-in to discuss the issue at hand within 24 hours.

I love teaching this material because it really helped me to understand what a healthy relationship looks like, and how wonderful relationships can be if we take the time to learn to manage negatives well while nurturing the positive aspects of the relationship. I'll write more about the rest of our workshop series in the coming weeks. Stay tuned!

To learn more about the communication danger signs and the time-out technique, and to find a free relationship workshop near you, visit the Oklahoma Marriage Initiative online. Forever really can be For Real!

Visit with Johnathan Kayne

2010-03-21T15:17:00.004-05:00

On the evening of March 5, I had my final fitting for my evening gown with creative genius Johnathan Kayne of Project Runway fame, and my very sweet, multi-talented hair and make-up artist/jewelry designer/friend Ilquia. Ilquia has been a fan of Johnathan since Project Runway. I was delighted to be able to introduce them!

Johnathan Kayne Gillespie

Last fall, I contacted Sharon at Johnathan's office about getting an evening gown. I listened to Johnathan's interview with Valerie Hayes. It stuck with me that he said his goal is to make women feel beautiful, and that he felt he could do that at a very low price point (which is necessary for me, given that I've spent the past six years as a student, graduate student, teaching assistant and now nonprofit director and math instructor). Like any pageant contestant, I just wanted to feel like a queen -- without having to go into debt for it. I found a gorgeous gown within my price range in his 2010 collection, and I have be honest, it makes me feel like I could be the next Mrs. America. :) With Johnathan's gown, Ilquia's gorgeous hair & make-up styling (I'll post pictures after the event!), and the faith and perspective to simply be myself and share who I am with the judges, I am confident that I will leave the Mrs. Oklahoma pageant with no regrets, with or without a crown, as Mrs. Oklahoma or as Mrs. Bobby Townsend. Thank you, to both Johnathan and Ilquia, for making a pretty girl feel absolutely beautiful.

My fabulous hair & make-up artist, Ilquia

Visit Johnathan Kayne's website and Ilquia's facebook page for more information about these fabulous people and the services they offer. They love what they do and are the kinds of genuine, open people that everyone wants to do business with.

Some neat trivia about Johnathan:
According to Wikipedia, while appearing on Project Runway, Johnathan won the "Fit for a Queen" challenge that required designers to create an evening gown for Miss USA Tara Conner to wear in the Miss Universe pageant. Tara went on to be placed fourth runner up in the Miss Universe pageant wearing her custom made dress.

Within My Reach Training

2010-03-21T14:42:00.005-05:00

On March 3 through 5, I attended the Oklahoma Marriage Initiative's workshop leader training for Within My Reach, which is OMI's singles curriculum. This curriculum was created by the same researchers from the University of Denver who created the couples curriculum (PREP) that we use at our Forever. For Real. workshops. I learned a lot from our trainers, Bob Davis, Jack Myrick, and Scott Roby, as well as my fellow trainees.

Within My Reach is the curriculum used in our Smart Singles workshops.

While much of the material is the same as that which we teach to couples, the Within My Reach curriculum is unique in that we discuss

the decision to live together,
problem behaviors in a potential mate,
the seven principals of smart love (or how to choose a good partner),
identifying an unsafe relationship (and how to get help so that you can exit it safely),
stepfamilies and coparenting, and
setting goals for our relationships.

This curriculum is a great fit for many of the parents of the children we serve through Blended Love, as well as the students and teachers at Tulsa Community College. I look forward to leading both the Smart Singles workshops and the Forever. For Real. workshops with the populations I see most often. There is so much to learn about relationships. I have faith that our thirst for knowledge and thirst for community and closeness will draw individuals to attend our free classes. The classes cost you nothing. We ask for an investment of your time. I believe that the Oklahoma Marriage Initiative's free relationship education workshops can help those who want to build better relationships to do just that.

Whether you are single or attached, you can find a workshop near you by visiting the Oklahoma Marriage Initiative online. When it comes to the most important people in our lives, there is always more to learn.

Family Matters

2010-03-21T14:07:00.006-05:00

On March 1, I presented an excerpt of this speech, titled Family Matters: Making the Case for Advocacy for Children of Divorce, to Toastmasters Tulsa Club #148. I accumulated these results through research over the course of many years. This presentation examines how divorce impacts children and families. I offered four action steps for those in attendance.

Adults, we must

1.) educate ourselves about the problem, its impacts, and the special needs of children after divorce.

2.) meet the child's special needs. These needs vary based on the child's development, temperament, and personality, but we can safely say that all children need stability, security, emotional support and guidance, and examples of healthy relationships, healthy communication and conflict-resolution, and healthy coping skills.

3.) volunteer to work with children. Children need available, dependable, positive people in their lives. Be positive role model and become a mentor. If this cause is on your heart, send me an email at SashaMTownsend@gmail.com, to apply to become a volunteer with Blended Love, a nonprofit that seeks to help children after divorce.

4.) request divorce support programming for students at your school.

Left unaddressed, divorce has a huge impact on the trajectory of a child's life, but we know that it doesn't have to be that way. If not for your children, request programming for the children of others. As adults, we know that what happens at home impacts all areas of our lives; every child should be equipped to cope positively. These impacts cannot and should not be ignored. Family matters.

Family Matters

View more presentations from SashaMTownsend.

My Wedding Extravaganza

2010-03-10T22:09:00.003-06:00

On February 28, I had a great day at My Wedding Extravaganza! I met wonderful vendors and a few very excited brides-to-be that day! Everyone had the best interest of the brides at heart and was sincerely interested in helping brides design and create their dream weddings. I shared what we do at the Oklahoma Marriage Initiative, and invited brides, grooms, and all couples to take advantage of our free skills-based, relationship-enriching Forever. For Real. workshops! I'm looking forward to meeting more brides and spending more time with this sincere, giving group of wedding experts at future events.

I also met Cindy Morrison for the first time! She is such a lovely woman and a very dynamic speaker. She and I have been communicating on facebook and twitter for a while now! She spoke about her new book Girlfriends 2.0. I can't wait to get my copy! It's all about surrounding yourself with people you respect and admire.

Thank you to Bob Stinchomb of the Stinchomb Mansion, David Fowler, Michael Butler, and Michelle Gustafson for including me in something so wonderful and allowing me to share my message.

2010 Akdar Shrine Circus

2010-03-10T21:38:00.018-06:00

With my escort Rick Grubb! He made me feel so welcome.
Wardrobe provided by Oxygen, Inc.

At the Akdar Shrine Circus with a few of the clowns!
Wardrobe provided by Oxygen, Inc.

On February 25 & 26, I sang the national anthem at the Thursday evening, Friday midday, and Friday evening shows of the 2010 Akdar Shriner Circus. I had never been to the circus before! I loved seeing the various acts and animals! I visited with the man who gets shot out of a cannon. I also met lots of little girls, little boys, and circus clowns. Bobby and I even rode an elephant named Jasmine on Friday night! My mother-in-law Ada, and my brother- and sister-in-law Tom & Carla and their two year old son Tysen came to see the show on Friday night. Ty loved the big cats! Overall, we had a blast.

I also had the chance to chat with Tom Hufford, AKA Huffy the Clown AKA Marshal Tom, about appearing on his safety show later this month. Huffy is the one who thought of me and asked me if I'd like to sing at the circus. I ran into Steve & Carly from KBEZ (I feel like I see Steve everywhere!) as well as Scotty, Justin the Intern, and Nard from the Wylde Wake Up morning show on K-HITS (I'm starting to see them everywhere too!).

In the midst of all of that fun, my favorite part of the circus was talking to the Shriners about the work they do. They drive thousands of miles to bring children to the Shriners hospitals. They raise money so that the children and their families never have to pay a penny to receive the medical attention they need. Rick Grubb and Tommy Henshaw were among the many giving men who shared with Bobby and me what the Shriners and this annual circus is all about. Their clowns and the annual circus help brighten children's lives, and the ticket sales support the great work that the Shriners are doing. I heard from Rick that the circus was so popular this year, that they had to turn people away on Saturday! Bobby and I got a little teary as a we heard about their work. I'm not exactly sure how, but I'm hoping to help them to help children in the near future.

Here are a few fun photos from the circus!

Thank you to Oxygen, Inc. for providing
beautiful clothes for this event!

Thank you, Aspen!

2010-03-10T21:21:00.005-06:00

At the end of February, a new fitness sponsor adopted me! Aspen Athletic Club at 61st Street & Memorial Drive has agreed to provide me with a free membership to their club until May. The facilities are huge, with plenty of cardio and strength training equipment, an indoor pool, a tanning area, a women's only training area, and a gorgeous lock room. They also offer over 60 classes each week, from yoag, pilates, and piyo to zumba, turbo kick, and some intense spinning classes. They definitely have something for everyone and plenty of variety to spice up your workout schedule! They are also open 24 hours, so no matter how busy my schedule gets, I know my gym is always open when I need to fit in a workout at an odd time. I'm thrilled to have their support and sponsorship, and I encourage all of my friends to check them out! If you're serious about making your health a priority, visit Aspen and they will help you meet your health & wellness goals!

With trainer Joe Del Valle of Aspen Athletic Club,
on the day that Aspen became my fitness sponsor.

Wardrobe provided by Oxygen, Inc.

Joe Del Valle has trained me twice, and I admit, he has made me work for it! There are only 38 days to go until the state pageant! While I don't expect to have the perfect body, I know that I'm going to look and feel my best on pageant weekend (and beyond!) because of the time I put in at Aspen. Thank you to my Joe and the entire Aspen team! I'm hoping (and working) to make Tulsa proud!

Miss Oklahoma Elita USA / Miss Sooner State American Coed double header pageant

2010-03-10T20:49:00.010-06:00

At the judges' table at the Elite USA/ Miss Sooner State Coed Double Header Pageant. Wardrobe provided by Oxygen, Inc.

On February 21, I had the privilege of judging the Miss Oklahoma Elite USA & Miss Sooner State American Coed double header pageant. Contestants in a wide range of age divisions had the option of entering one of the state pageants or both at a discounted entry fee.

It was a great pageant! It was a tough competition. There were so many wonderful young ladies competing. Every one of them is a winner.

As a former "American Coed (ACP) girl", I was happy to see that Elite USA and American Coed share those wholesome, fun, family-oriented values that made me return to Patty Hawkin's state pageant year after year after year as a teenager. American Coed will always be my favorite pageant for girls and teens because of my years in the Miss Florida American Teen pageant. After attending this double header, hosted by Nicki Hale of Elite USA, I have to say that now Elite USA is a close second.

Nicki, thank you so much for giving me the opportunity to get to know your organization! I know that your new titleholders will do a wonderful job representing Oklahoma, Elite USA, and American Coed Pageants in the coming year! I'd also like to thank Sarah Oh, at Oxygen, Inc. I got so many compliments on this dress! Thank you for making me look and feel like a queen.

With my fellow judges Wendy & Monique Bruner.
Wendy is a pageant mom and Monique is the Mrs. Plus America 2009.
Wardrobe sponsored by Oxygen.

With lovely Monique Bruner, Mrs. Plus America 2010.
She and I have a lot in common!
Marriage & family, our faith, and our careers in academia. :)

I finally met Amanda Kreshack! Amanda and I have been communicating online for years! It all began on the GoCoed forum on their website. She is a sweetheart and has been an amazing Miss Elite USA.
Wardrobe provided by Oxygen, Inc.

With my penpal & friend, Amanda Kreshack
Wardrobe provided by Oxygen, Inc.

Toastmasters Leadership Institute

2010-03-10T20:15:00.006-06:00

With Toastmaster's Leadership Institute trainer and Area Governor, Ron Olsen. His home chapter is Tulsa Club #148 and we both attend Church on the Move. Tulsa Club #148 is my home club as well and is the oldest Toastmasters chapter in Oklahoma. Wardrobe provided by Oxygen, Inc.

I had a great time at the Toastmaster's Leadership Institute (TLI) make-up session in the middle of February. TLI introduces the leadership roles within our organization, gives each person an opportunity to get to know members from other clubs, and trains officers in their roles, while giving us the chance to learn from each other. As the new VP Public Relations of our chapter, I learned a lot about public relations. I also had a great conversation with fellow Toastmaster Diane who works in public relations for a living. She had so much to offer in traditional public relations, while I have some knowledge of using the social media sites, so the two of us had a great exchange of ideas and information. Our club's VP Education, Mike Dobbs, was also in attendance! We had a great time and learned many leadership skills that will help us in our offices in Toastmasters and in the other leadership roles in our lives. I'm looking forward to implementing our ideas!

For more information about Toastmasters, visit www.Toastmasters.org. You can also click the following link to learn more about our club, Tulsa Club #148.

Here are a few more pictures from the event!

Ron & me
Wardrobe provided by Oxygen, Inc.

Mike and me
Wardrobe provided by Oxygen, Inc.

Happy Valentine's Day!

2010-03-02T14:35:00.009-06:00

I love Valentine's Day. I know people say it's too commercial, and to some extent that is true, but it is also the one day each year where couples are encouraged to show their affection for their partners. Because of that fact, it is one of my favorite holidays!

Bobby and I stayed in and made delicious Italian food, and then we watched a movie together! We made bruschetta, chicken parmagiana, and while we started to make tiramisu, we ruined the custard the first time, so we saved the task of making delicious tiramisu for a few days later!

I love my husband so much. Other than my relationship with God, meeting and marrying Bobby are the two very best things that have ever happened to me. He's brilliant, handsome, and funny. He's my best friend and he puts up with me. :) I do my best to be a good helper for him. Here are a few photos from our kitchen on Valentine's Day!

Bobby and me in our kitchen

Chef Bobby :)

Mmmm...Chicken Parmagiana

Whisking the custard for the tiramisu

Lasting Love in Owasso

2010-03-02T14:29:00.004-06:00

With my co-leader Pat Johnston at the Lasting Love
Forever. For Real. one day workshop in Owasso.
Wardrobe provided by Oxygen, Inc.

Just in time for Valentine's Day, on February 13, I co-led a Forever. For Real. workshop with Pat Johnston at Stone Canyon Elementary School in Owasso. We had a great day! The couples participated a lot and I think we were successful in sharing the highlights of the curriculum in this one day event.

Forever. For Real. on February 6

2010-03-02T14:10:00.009-06:00

With Liz Silva, OMI's Technical Assistance Coordinator
for workshop leaders in eastern Oklahoma
Wardrobe provided by Oxygen, Inc.

With my friend Amanda Carter, OMI's Service Delivery Coordinator for the Tulsa area. Amanda helped me to get involved in the Oklahoma Marriage Initiative a few years ago! I'm so grateful.
Wardrobe provided by Oxygen, Inc.

With Jack Myrick, one of OMI's featured workshop leaders for the February 6 event. One of my favorite sections was his speech on expectations! Do your best to meet your spouse's most important expectations! Jack said, "Make him the king of your heart -- or someone else will." So true...Invest in your relationship and your partner! It will be worth it. Wardrobe provided by Oxygen, Inc.

With Jack Myrick. Wardrobe provided by Oxygen, Inc.

On February 6, the Oklahoma Marriage Initiative hosted our biggest event of the year! This Forever. For Real. event, for dating, engaged, or married couples, took place at four locations in Tulsa, Oklahoma City, and Norman. 1,918 people attended the event! We had about 600 in Tulsa alone. I coached couples at the Tulsa location at the Crowne Plaza downtown. The speakers get better every time I hear them! It was a great day. I also had the chance to share about supporting children after divorce and my new job as Executive Director of Blended Love. I gave out 30 business cards! There is so much interest in what we do to serve children from changing families.

If you missed it, not to worry! We have new workshops beginning all the time. Find a workshop that fits in your schedule at www.ForeverForReal.com.

Joy in Our Town Interview with Michelle Gustafson

2010-03-02T14:02:00.004-06:00

With Michelle Gustafson on their beautiful set!
Wardrobe provided by Oxygen, Inc.
Located on the lower level of the Promenade Mall, next to Macy's.

On February 5, I taped an interview with Michelle Gustafson for her KDOR-TV TBN show, Joy in Our Town. Michelle and I spoke about strengthening marriage and supporting children after divorce. Michelle is so easy to talk to! The interview just flew by! I think we really shared a lot of good information that will help couples to nurture their marriages and help single parents and teachers support children after divorce. As soon as I know the airdate, I'll let everyone know! Thank you, Michelle, for giving me this opportunity!

Helping Kids Coping with Change ~ Mrs. Mills' Class

2010-03-02T13:41:00.003-06:00

On February 5, I spoke my favorite students in Mrs. Mills' class at Skelly Elementary. In past presentations, we discussed respect, acceptance, and goal-setting. This time, I shared about my family and how I coped with my parents' divorce. Then we brainstormed ways to cope with all kinds of changes as a group. One young lady said, "Doing anything that you are passionate about can help you through change." She is so very right!

Four major ways that we can help ourselves feel better after family change are to:

1. Find supportive friends and family that you can talk to and seek advice from.
2. Stay positive. Remember that you have a bright future ahead of you! No matter what happens to you, you can make your future bright by making great choices!
3. Find ways to cool down and to express your beliefs and emotions. You can do this through writing in a journal, creative writing, listening to music, playing sports, singing, acting, and dancing, among other activities.
4. Learn as much as possible about what's happening to your family. The more you know, the better you can prepare for it.

By choosing to take ownership for your feelings and how you cope with them, you'll be able to change your mood and help yourself feel better -- through this particular change and for life! Adults, the best thing we can do for kids is to equip them to deal with change. This is what we do through Blended Love's Things Change Journal Program.

I had a great time with Mrs. Mills' students. I look forward to spending some time with them again soon!

The Wylde Wake-Up Show on February 4

2010-03-02T13:25:00.004-06:00

With Scotty, Lindsey, Nard, and Justin the Intern
Wardrobe provided by Oxygen, Inc.
Located on the lower level of the Promenade Mall, next to Macy's.

On Thursday morning, February 4, I was interviewed on the Wylde Wake-Up Show! I had a blast. I was there to promote OMI's February 6 Forever. For Real. event. I talked about the material with Scotty, Lindsey, and Nard. We talked about learning to solve problems as a team. I clarified that OMI workshops are not counseling. Instead, at our workshops, we give couples the tools to be their own counselors. We equip couples with the tools to communicate well, solve problems as a team, and nurture the fun, friendship, sensuality, and sexuality. By learning how to handle the negatives and taking the time to nurture the positive aspects of the relationship, couples can make their relationships satisfying and lasting.

Thank you to the entire Wylde Wake Up team for giving me the opportunity to promote Forever. For Real. Relationship education is so important! When it comes to the most important people in our lives, there is always more to learn.

New Media Lab on February 2

2010-03-02T13:09:00.003-06:00

Wardrobe provided by Oxygen, Inc.
Located on the lower level of the Promenade Mall, next to Macy's.

On February 2, I met up with an amazing group of people at the Stinchomb Mansion, also known as the Mansion on Main in Broken Arrow, for the New Media Lab Networking Meet Up. I made so many new friends who had a wealth of information and experience to share! I shared my passion of supporting families and addressing divorce, as well as my experiences, successes, and struggles using the social media networking sites.

I learned a lot about connecting with people and building relationships through social media. I can't wait to learn more! I'd like to thank Michael Butler for introducing me to this group and giving me a fantastic learning opportunity.

Update

2010-02-24T08:58:00.008-06:00

Hello, friends and family! It's been a while since I updated my blog. Every week since the beginning of February has been a whirlwind. I had media appearances promoting Forever. For Real. at the beginning of the month. Then my new position as Executive Director with Blended Love (it's a dream-come-true job for me!) was announced. I also had about five appearances a week on average. I judged the Oklahoma Elite USA / Miss Sooner State American Coed double header pageant last weekend, created my iFace with my fabulously gifted sponsors at New Day Media, learned a lot about marketing and creating relationships via the social media at the New Media Labs in Broken Arrow, trained for my position as the Vice President Public Relations of Toastmasters Tulsa Club #148, visited my favorite kids in Mrs. Mills' 5th grade class at Skelly Elementary, and I'm sure I left something out!

I'm so grateful to all of my sponsors, especially Oxygen, Inc. at the Promenade mall. As I have been running from one event to the next, Sarah Oh and her team at Oxygen have helped me to look and feel my best by dressing me in fabulous, affordable, youthful-but-not-too-youthful styles for all of my events and meetings. I also graded my first exams for the semester for my trig students and I was really sick for a bit. I had strep throat and a sinus infection. (Yuck! Maybe that's too much information? Sorry!) Life has been crazy but fun.

Bobby and I had a beautiful Valentine's Day. He was also promoted this month (I'm so proud of my hard-working man!). Even though we have been struggling financially due to my reduced hours at Tulsa Community College, I feel that it has really helped us to focus on what is really important in life. I have the opportunity to live my dream, helping children of divorce and helping couples nurture their relationships, with my husband's full support. I'm so very grateful that he stands behind me in this!

The Mrs. Oklahoma pageant will be here before we know it! I'm getting excited, and I'm feeling that it's crunch time. It's time to dot my i's and cross my t's to make sure I give it my very best. Honestly, no matter what happens, I'll be fine with whatever God has planned for me. I just don't want to take anything for granted. I also don't want to forget why I'm really doing this. Pageantry is fun and I love confidence and the sense of accomplishment that comes from preparing to do your very best -- but I also know that for me, being Mrs. Oklahoma is about serving others and being a role model, and more specifically, about addressing the divorce problem and changing the divorce culture. If I spend a few less hours in the gym because I'm out in the community making a difference, that's fine by me. I take care of myself, but I don't obsess over it, because serving others is really what being Mrs. Oklahoma is all about.

I'll post pictures and blog posts about February's events as soon as I get a little downtime! I'm off to trig! I'll write again soon.

On the Air with Steve on KBEZ

2010-02-03T19:21:00.011-06:00

Wardrobe provided by Oxygen, Inc.
Located on the lower level of the Promenade Mall, next to Macy's.

Last week, I sent the word out that I wanted to promote my platform of supporting families and addressing divorce, and most specifically, the Oklahoma Marriage Initiative's Forever. For Real. event. Steve Smith, of Steve and Carly in the Morning on KBEZ, graciously accepted and allowed me to talk about this important cause and this fantastic event on the radio. It was a lot of fun! I love spending time with Steve. All of the staff and volunteers of the Oklahoma Marriage Initiative are working together to make sure we have as many people as possible in attendance at this Saturday's free, skills-based, marriage-enriching event. It's for any couple, whether you are dating, engaged, or married with years of history together, although engaged couples can save $45 on the marriage licenses by attending. In sum, it's an event for any couple who wants to make "forever - for real."

Click the link to register for this Saturday's Forever. For Real. event, and be sure to mention that Mrs. Tulsa sent you!

Steve and I also recorded another segment, focused on Blended Love, and our wonderful divorce support programs. The Blended Love segment will air on a later date. Thank you so much to Steve and KBEZ for helping me spread the word about these important causes! No man is an island. We simply can't do it alone. I know I was able to reach a much larger audience through KBEZ! If just one more couple attends a Forever. For Real. event, we have made one relationship better and done our job. Thank you Steve and KBEZ, for giving me a venue to share my passion with others! Click play below to hear the Forever. For Real. segment.

My Mission Statement: Supporting Families & Addressing Divorce

2010-02-03T15:21:00.006-06:00

So many people just don't get 'this pageant thing' that I do. I compete because the little bit of celebrity status the title provides me allows me to reach many more people with my cause of supporting families and addressing divorce.

Relationship Education
I want more individuals to know what a healthy relationship looks like. I want them to feel empowered, to know that healthy relationships aren’t just for some people who came from picture perfect homes, but that healthy relationships are for them. I want more people to take advantage of the awesome opportunity to get a free research-based, skills-based education on how to build and nurture a healthy relationship. I want that love we feel on our wedding days to last. For that reason, I encourage every individual and every couple to seek out the free relationship workshops offered by the Oklahoma Marriage Initiative. We have Forever. For Real. for couples, Within My Reach for singles, Relationship U for college students, and many more programs for teens, for couples with new babies, for stepfamilies, for incarcerated individuals, and for many other groups…There are too many to list! I want everyone to know that “forever” can be “for real” and not only that, but we personally can make our relationships satisfying and lasting. For more information, go to www.okmarriage.org and www.foreverforreal.com.

Divorce Support For Children and Families
I also want to increase access to divorce support programs for youth.

My parents divorced when I was 13 and it was very difficult for my sisters and me.

Blended Love is an outstanding organization that provides real services for children of divorce. Our goal is to equip these children to deal with change in healthy ways. We have three programs to allow us to reach that goal. In our first program, we provide library resources for children, teachers, and staff about dealing with changes in the family structure. In our second program, Calm Classrooms in Turbulent Times, we teach teachers how to support children of divorce and children from changing families in their classrooms. Finally, we work hands-on with the kids in our research-based Things Change Journal Program. Through reading and writing, we help all children learn to cope with change in healthy ways.

My goal is to reach as many children and teachers as possible with Blended Love programming.

You Can Help!
You can help by writing or calling your principal or superintendent. Tell them you want divorce support programming at your school. You can also help by purchasing founder Monica Epperson’s children’s book, A Heart With Two Homes. One hundred percent of the proceeds go to Blended Love.

You can also help by educating yourself, investing in your marriage, and teaching your children to do the same. OMI programs are free – so there is no excuse! LOL When it comes to the most important people in our lives, there is always more to learn.

You can become a volunteer for Blended Love, or for the Oklahoma Marriage Initiative. We are always looking for reliable, passionate volunteers who share our values and have the best interest of children and families at heart.

Some people have said that my goals are too broad -- that as Mrs. Tulsa, I should choose one cause or the other. But I refuse to choose. We need relationship skills and support for families now more than ever. I hope you will join me on my journey.

A Heart With Two Homes

2010-01-26T19:57:00.007-06:00

A Heart With Two Homes is a beautiful book about a girl named Elizabeth, who is a girly-girl called Lizzy at mom's house and a tomboy called Beth at dad's house. She uses journalling to begin to appreciate all of herself as she truly is.

All of the proceeds for A Heart With Two Homes go directly to the programs of Blended Love, a nonprofit supporting children through family change through the classroom. We bring books for children and educators into school libraries. We train educators to meet the needs of children from changing families through a course called Calm Classrooms in Turbulent Times. We teach children how to deal with change through reading and writing, in the research-based Things Change journal program.

Blended Love is run entirely by volunteers who want to help support children as they learn to cope with family change. Please consider buying a copy of this book to raise funds for the programs of this worthwhile organization.

Standing On My Own Two Feet

2010-01-26T19:32:00.003-06:00

I was contacted by fellow child of divorce advocate and author Tamara Schmitz today. She sent me the link to an adorable, uplifting group reading of her book, "Standing On My Own Two Feet."

Addison expressed how his parents' love will always be there and will help him to be strong! With the help of parents, teachers, and caring adults, we can help all children to be 100% sure that their parents' love for them, like Addison, the main character of "Standing on My Own Two Feet". :)

Children, Divorce, and Love!

Of course, most children don't feel like Addison does, at least not at the beginning. They need reassurance of their parents' love, and the reassurance of the fact that their parents will always be there for them (if that is true). They want help dealing with the changes in their lives and they want to learn how to help themselves to be happy again. Older children need to know that their parents will hold things steady at home, so that they can focus on school, extracurricular activities, and friendships. Adults: we are the solution!

Oklahoma Marriage Initiative ad for Forever. For Real. on February 6

2010-01-25T20:09:00.003-06:00

Supporting Your Child After Divorce (Ages 6 to 8)

2010-01-24T23:49:00.009-06:00

Here is a resource for divorcing parents who have a child between the ages of 6 and 8. It is a summary of the developmental characteristics of children in this age group, their common post-divorce reactions, and what parents can do to help. Of course, all children develop at different rates and you know your child better than anyone else, so it's up to you to decide what is best for your child. The slideshow is available for download at slideshare.net.

Supporting Your Children After Divorce, Ages 6 through 8

View more presentations from SashaMTownsend.

This summary is based on What About The Kids? by Judith Wallerstein and Helping Your Kids Cope With Divorce the Sandcastles Way by M. Gary Neuman.

Everyday Beauty Queen

2010-01-16T05:27:00.007-06:00

I woke up very early this morning, unable to sleep. I have a busy weekend ahead, and I guess my mind was going a mile a minute and woke me up. I checked my email and visited facebook. I decided to check out a website that I have been meaning to visit: Valerie Hayes' Everyday Beauty Queen. Some of my friends who are outside of pageantry may question this idea -- but let me clarify. Being an everyday beauty queen is not about being a stereotypical "beauty queen" every day! I'm not going to show up at Tulsa Community College to teach trigonometry in an evening gown, with big hair and glamorous make-up, wearing five inch heels. Nor will I wear a business suit everywhere, like Miss America contestants did around the year 2000. The women were so polished and beautiful, but we often (myself included) seemed like we were trying to be 21-going-on-35 business women. Being an everyday beauty queen (EBQ) is not about being "the perfect woman" either, whatever you define perfect to be.

I love the way Valerie puts it:

"It means that she knows she’s in charge of creating the life that she wants and has accepted the responsibility of making her dreams come true....You just have to be someone who’s committed to being a life-long learner and interested in personal development. "

Being an EBQ is tied to the idea of confidence, taking control of your life, and using those skills often developed in pageantry to set personal goals. Valerie had many more beautiful sentences to share, and I want to share one more with you. In describing the EBQ, Valerie writes,

"She’s learned that while goal setting is serious business, winning in life requires the ability to accept who you are, who you want to be, and to laugh at yourself occasionally!"

Now, Valerie uses the title EBQ as a very high honor. I'm a work in progress. I still have a tendency toward perfectionism. I'm still getting used to this idea that it's okay to be confident and that one can be confident and humble at the same time. Being an EBQ is something I aspire to. Today I'm a woman who appreciates myself as I am, while at the same time realizes there is always room for growth. I've always known that there was room for growth -- but I'm trying to be better about the first part. I used to think, "I'm just a graduate student," "I'm just a math teacher," "I'm just Mrs. Oklahoma," "I'm just a volunteer," minimizing my roles and achievements in my own mind. Even when I earned my master's degree, I thought, "It's just a master's degree." It is just a piece of paper but my two years of study are years that I can be proud of. It gave me a sense of camaraderie to know that Maria Shriver has the same tendencies. I heard her say on Oprah that some her self-talk includes, "I'm just the first lady of California." But she is not! She is much more than just the governor's wife, and being the first lady of California is a very high honor.

God showed me this year that it's okay to be confident, and that while He wants me to watch myself, guarding my heart and being careful not to sin, that He doesn't want me to berate and belittle myself when I make mistakes. He wants me to learn from them, move on, and be confident in the way He designed me and His ultimate plan for my life. God gave me the gift of knowing that it is possible to be confident and humble at the same time.

I encourage each of you to take a look at Valerie's new Everyday Beauty Queen website. She encourages us to believe in ourselves in addition to setting goals and achieving them by living our lives with purpose. When you believe in yourself and are able to gain new skills because of it, your confidence grows and you're able to achieve more than you ever imagined.

To me, being Mrs. Tulsa, Mrs. Oklahoma, or Mrs. America will always be about serving others first and personal growth second. For me personally, being Mrs. Tulsa is about addressing the problem of divorce: helping young people after divorce through the classroom and Blended Love, and preventing divorce and strengthening marriage through the Oklahoma Marriage Initiative's relationship education classes. But in order to help anyone, you must believe you can. You must believe that change is possible and that we humble beings can initiate change. Valerie's new website is for those people that believe, or for those that want or hope to believe in themselves and others, in the near future.

Making a Purchase? Save money and help children of divorce!

2010-01-15T10:52:00.005-06:00

Please visit Blended Love 's website to Shop For Kids! At this website, you can search for items that you'd like to purchase and find the lowest prices on the internet. If you decide to make a purchase, half of the profit will go to supporting children of divorce through Blended Love's programming.

Blended Love is a 501(c)3 nonprofit dedicated to bring hope and camaraderie to children of divorce through the classroom. Specifically, the organization denotes books about changing families to school libraries, provides training for teachers and staff through the course Calm Classrooms in Turbulent Times, and equips children with the tools to cope in healthy ways through bibliotherapy and the Empowered Journaling Program.

If you are planning on making an online purchase, please do so through the search bar on the Blended Love website. You'll be helping children of divorce and saving money. What could be better?

Oxygen: My New Wardrobe Sponsor

2010-01-13T20:06:00.006-06:00

I am thrilled to announce that Oxygen will be sponsoring my Mrs. Tulsa appearance wardrobe and possibly some items for the state competition!

The style at Oxygen is fun, fresh, and young. They carry ladies fashion including clothes, shoes, and accessories, and will be dressing me from head to toe for my upcoming appearances, including a meeting I have tomorrow on behalf of Blended Love. Sarah Oh and her team offered excellent styling advice today. I'm confident that I will look and feel my best this year with their help!

Oxygen is located on the lower level of the Promenade mall, next to Macy's, across from GNC.

Stay tuned for more photos of their fabulous clothes and shoes! To Sarah Oh and Oxygen, welcome to the Mrs. Tulsa America family!

The Tulsa Wedding Show

2010-01-10T16:52:00.005-06:00

Yesterday, I helped out at the Oklahoma Marriage Initiative booth at the Tulsa Wedding Show. There were so many brides! Amanda Carter, Lauren Mattox, and I passed out fliers, the new marriage magazine, and information about upcoming Forever. For Real. workshops. Our goal is to get marriage-strengthening information into as many hands and hearts as possible. We spoke with so many brides and signed up A LOT of couples for the Febuary 6 event. We also had some fabulous cake from our favorite bakery, Ludger's. :) Their cheesecake wedding cake is divine and worth every delicious calorie. :) I also ran into Heather Rouba, Mrs. Oklahoma America 2009, at the show. She was attending with several of her beautiful models from the Anthony David Agency. Her models modeled bridal gowns in the show. It's so wonderful to be able to spend the day with people I enjoy, who share my values, doing something worthwhile together. These new relationships are such a blessing.

On February 6, during the month of Love, the Oklahoma Marriage Initiative will host its largest Forever. For Real. event of the year! From 9 AM to 3 PM, at four locations throughout the state, dating, engaged, and married couples will learn the keys to helping love last. Topics include communication, problem solving, love styles (which very similar to The Five Love Languages), commitment, forgiveness, and much more. The entire workshop is FREE. The marriage initiative is also providing lunch and door prizes, including two tickets on Southwest airlines to fly anywhere in the continental US. You spend so many hours planning your wedding day. Why not invest six hours in the rest of your lives together? If the February 6 date does not work for you, visit the website to search for an upcoming workshop that fits your schedule.

I tell people all the time how these skills have helped me to be a better wife to my husband. It's also great to take a refresher even if you've attended one of our workshops before, because your relationship changes over time. This one-day workshop-style event is also a great supplement to premarital counseling taught by clergy because it is skills-based, rather than focusing on expectations for household chores, children, and other parts of your life together. While our workshop touches on these areas, our primary focus is on giving you real skills that you can use today, no matter what the topic is. Engaged couples save $45 on their marriage licenses by attending this, or one of our other, Forever. for Real. events. When it comes to the most important people in our lives, there is always more to learn.

I hope to see you at the February event, at the Crowne Plaza Hotel in Downtown Tulsa! Register online and be sure to mention that Sasha Townsend, Mrs. Tulsa, sent you!

Forever. For Real.
February 6, 2010
9 a.m. to 3 p.m.
Crowne Plaza Hotel
Downtown Tulsa

Happy 2010!

2009-12-30T17:17:00.003-06:00

We wish you and your family
12 months of happiness, 52 weeks of fun,
365 days of laughter, 8760 hours of service, 525,600 minutes joy,
and 31,536,000 seconds of walking closely with the Lord!

Wishing you and your family a Happy New Year!
With love, Bobby, Sasha, George, and Ronnie

The Child of Divorce Blog

2009-12-30T16:41:00.006-06:00

Monica Epperson, the lovely founder of Blended Love, an organization dedicated to supporting children of divorce through the classroom, has asked me to contribute to a new blog. This blog is a project of Blended Love, and is titled,

The Child of Divorce:
We are the voice of children who have gone through a divorce.
We were once "the child of divorce."

Our goal is to use this blog to share our stories and experiences, to speak up for those children who are living through divorce and its aftermath right now. We want to show these children that they are not alone. We want to help other adults understand or remember what was like -- so that we can in turn remember that children of divorce need our support and attention. Children of divorce need to know that it's okay to speak up, and that many adults have had painful childhood experiences and go on to great successes in life. Many of us have experienced a trial or challenge or obstacle and use those experiences for good. I think God allows us to experience pain so that we can relate to others. When we've suffered, we're given the opportunity to be a blessing.

When I was asked to contribute to the The Child of Divorce blog, I began to worry. I began to worry about my parents, about sharing too much. I worried about how exposing my vulnerability will be seen, by some, as exposing weakness. The child of divorce I once was even worried that I would be seen as unfit, unworthy, to become Mrs. America, because of the conflict I witnessed and the pain I had been through as a teen. I realized that the children of divorce we strive to help can relate to that too. They worry about being labeled. Being lovable. Being normal. One ex-boyfriend's mom once said to me, "Sasha, you are just the picture of resiliency!" I realized that sharing, and soon following that sharing with real techniques on how to cope in a healthy way and feel better, was the best thing I could do for these kids.

I'll include my mom in the process too. I want to be certain to honor my parents, while being honest about what the divorce was like for me, and what it was like for my two younger sisters. I have no idea what it is like to be a divorcing parent. I can only speak about my experiences as a child of divorce. I called my sister Jade this morning and she had one experience that stood out to her. It was Easter Sunday. I'll share it with you too. There are so many unspoken stories. We say with a smile, "I'm fine. I have two sets of parents now!" The reality is that in some ways, we were fine, but in other ways, we were definitely not fine. I hope my willingness to share will give others the courage to speak up and do something to support children after divorce.

Save the Date!

2009-12-30T16:19:00.006-06:00

The Oklahoma Marriage Initiative is hosting a FREE one-day relationship education Forever. For Real. workshop especially for engaged couples on February 6 at four different locations. Engaged couples save $45 on their marriage licenses by attending this event, where you will learn skills to make love last. Call 877.435.8033 to register, or you can register online. When asked "How did you hear about this event?" please click "other" and mention my name, Sasha Townsend, Mrs. Tulsa America 2010.

I will helping out at the Tulsa event, downtown at the Crowne Plaza Hotel. I hope to see you there!

About the Oklahoma Marriage Initiative

2009-12-30T14:27:00.019-06:00

The Oklahoma Marriage Initiative has existed since 1999 and is publicly funded to reduce Oklahoma's high divorce rate and out of wedlock birthrate. We achieve this goal through free relationship education workshops, taught by trained volunteers, that are made available throughout the state. To find a workshop near you, go to Forever. For Real. or the Oklahoma Marriage Initiative online.

About the Workshops

"When it comes to the most important people in our lives,

there is always more to learn."

I agree with this with my whole heart. OMI has curricula geared toward various audiences. For the past three years, I have taught the couples workshop Forever. For Real., based on PREP (Prevention and Relationship Enhancement Program), to married and engaged couples. The OMI-sponsored workshop is always FREE. It is typically 6 to 8 weeks long. We meet one night per week for two hours. Engaged couples can save $45 on their marriage licenses by attending one of our workshops. We also have a singles curriculum called Within My Reach (WMR).

OMI provides an educational approach to relationships. Workshop leaders are not counselors, but teachers, sharing what research has shown will help love last. At a Forever. For Real. workshop, couples will learn proven techniques, skills, and attitudes that help make love last forever - for real. We teach couples how to communicate well when it really counts, and provide a framework to help couples protect and nurture the positive aspects of their relationship. The curriculum is research-based and frequently updated based on new research at the University of Denver and other institutions.

We have workshops geared toward teens, singles, college students, prisoners, and new parents. Our goal is to teach communication and relationship skills to everyone, wherever we can, in a way that is appropriate and engaging for the given audience. We teach teens before they get into relationships. We teach singles who want their next relationship to work. We teach couples, who want to strengthen and enhance their relationship, ultimately preventing divorce. We also teach new parents, because navigating this wonderful and exciting change for the family can put strain on a marriage. The skills and attitudes we teach are simple but unknown for most participants, because we often lack great examples in our homes and relationship skills are not taught in school. If you're a willing student, we're ready to teach you.

"Because marriage now comes with instructions."

Harnessing the Power of Volunteers
OMI recruits, trains, and equips volunteers with the tools they need to lead relationship workshops all over the state. Earlier this fall, we hit a milestone: Over 200,000 people served! I know that OMI programs are serving their purpose because my marriage is better because of the skills I've learned through PREP. All of this is possible through the generosity, unique backgrounds, and skill sets of volunteers.

After an application process and four day training, volunteers trained in specific curriculum are able to lead as many workshops as they can organize, with full support from OMI. All participant workbooks, etc. are requested from OMI and sent to the workshop leader before the workshop begins. Newly trained workshop leaders are asked to lead a minimum of four workshops within their first year.

Here is an excerpt from the workshop leaders information page:

"In order to truly affect the marriages and relationships in our state, OMI workshop leaders need to be highly motivated and good presenters with a commitment to the work of strengthening families. The expenses of the training seminar, training materials and workshop delivery materials are provided free of charge by the Department of Human Services. Continuing education units are available for a variety of licensures for approximately 18 hours of credit including LBP, LMFT, LPC, LCSW and Licensed Psychologists. Within my Reach Workshop Leaders must have ready access to the priority population for these services, single heads of households who are economically disadvantaged and at higher risk for negative relationship outcomes."

For more information about becoming a workshop leader, click here.

Upcoming Training Opportunities:

PREP 7.0 Training
April 28-30, Tulsa
October 4 -6, Oklahoma City

Within My Reach Training
March 3-5, Oklahoma City
June 9-11, Oklahoma City

PREP Workshop Testimonials
(from the OMI website):

"This class was awesome for me, so very helpful and useful in my life at this very moment. I learned things that will help me grow as an individual person as well as the other half of a relationship team." -Workshop Participant
"This helped me understand my mate more. We are trying the speaker/listener technique. We are doing 100% better since I've been here. Thank you!" -Workshop Participant
"I feel this workshop was helpful to me as a woman. The things I learned can help me to gain a healthy and long-term relationship" -Workshop Participant
"Thank you for providing this workshop. I feel that this should be required for every couple before marriage. This workshop is a stepping stone for creating a long, lasting, happy, fulfilling marriage." -Workshop Participant
"This program has changed my views and attitudes about men, relationships, but mainly it has helped me change myself for the better. Not only can I communicate with my partner but also with my children, family, and friends."
-Workshop Participant
"I'm happy there is a structured form of communication given to try and experiment with. Not just a counselor sitting and listening to both parties complaints. Yea, a tool is given." -Workshop Participant
"The class was great! My husband and I enjoyed the day and also learned so much. In the end, my husband thought that the class was worth going to instead of going to look at bulls like we had previously planned!" -Workshop Participant

Beyond Oklahoma
I hope the information above gives you a better idea of what the Oklahoma Marriage Initiative is all about. Texas has a similar initiative, called TwoGether in Texas, and it is my understanding that their program was modeled using our very own OMI.

Oklahoma is doing something groundbreaking here. We're investing in marriage, in family, and in relationships, in a way that hasn't been done before. Over the past 10 years, the OMI staff has learned much through trial and error. We have found a lot that works and some things that didn't work, by trying everything we can to educate Oklahomans about relationships. Now other states are looking to us as an example. Click here to learn more about the history of the Oklahoma Marriage Initiative and lessons learned along the way.

Feel free to contact me if you have any further questions, and I'll try to answer them for you!

Making Christmas Special for Your Spouse

2009-12-23T23:54:00.014-06:00

What are you getting your spouse for Christmas?

I haven't shared this on the blog before now, but Bobby was laid off at the end of August, the day after I was awarded my Mrs. Tulsa America title. Bobby found a new job, a better job, with much more opportunity about six weeks later, so the initial blow turned out to be a blessing. Still, Bobby and I aren't in a financial position to spoil each other this year. This has given us the grand opportunity to be creative: What can I give to the man who has everything in a year when we don't have as much as we're used to? How can I show my husband just how special and wonderful he is without buying him a fancy new accessory for his camera or some extravagant appliance for the kitchen? (He loves to cook!)

About 2010 years ago, our Lord gave us the most wonderful gift imaginable: His Son. He brought unconditional love, forgiveness, mercy, and reconciliation. His presence paved the way for the gift of the Holy Spirit. In turn, we were given new lives and the chance to have a personal relationship with the Creator of the universe. Christmas is about the greatest gift our God could ever give us: His Son, and through His Son, the opportunity to have a personal relationship with Him. God has given us so much, so we praise Him, glorify Him, share the good news, and pass it on. Love God and love others -- in practical ways. How can you love your spouse this year?

Here are a few ideas:
1. Give a gift of service for your spouse without expecting anything in return. Do something without being asked to make your spouse's life easier or more pleasant.
2. Offer to help your spouse with anything they need. Stop making demands and offer to be a helper instead!
3. Give the gift of kind words. Write a letter or note, telling your spouse how much he or she means to you. Point out all of their good qualities, quirks, and the idiosyncrasies that made you fall in love with him or her. You can point out the nice things they do for you, but be sure to focus more on your spouse's intrinsic qualities than their service to you.
4. Give the gift of recognition. Some people want to be recognized for their contributions. Thank your spouse for the service he or she renders for you, your family and community through their work, community involvement, or housework.
4. Give the gift of being together. Take hot cocoa on the road and drive through town to look at Christmas lights. Watch an old Christmas movie. Make s'mores in your living room.
5. Send romantic text messages just to show you care.
6. Buy some mistletoe and hang it in your house. Then hug and kiss your sweetie with no ulterior motives. Some people feel loved when they touch others. It helps them feel connected. Smooch your spouse to show your mate that you love him or her and that you find him or her physically attractive.
7. Buy thoughtful gifts under $20. Remember, it is the thought that counts! Be creative and find a gift that shows you care.
8. Appreciate the thought behind whatever your spouse buys for you. Finding the time and money for the perfect gift is tough, and it seems to get more challenging every year. Remember that your spouse did their best! Be grateful for their kindness, even if you don't like the gift.
8. Praise God for your spouse! Share what you are grateful for with your spouse and others. Thankfulness is contagious.
9. Have a spirit of forgiveness. The holidays can be stressful. Overlook minor mistakes and make the effort to reduce your partner's stress this year, not add to it. When times get stressful, look for and ask how you can help.

I hope this helps you to make Christmas and Christmas Eve special for your mate! I know Bobby and I don't have a lot of money this year, but we could never be disappointed...because I have a wonderful husband and he has me. I love him so much. His smile brings me so much joy! I try to show him my love, by being his helper and not his burden, and in giving to him, I receive so much. I am truly blessed. :)

Remember: Decide to make your relationship a priority, make it safe to connect (by forgiving and being kind to each other), and do your part to make Christmas special for your sweetie. It really is better to give than to receive! I hope these ideas work for you. Let me know how it goes! Merry Christmas Eve!

Sharing Good News, Upcoming Events for OMI

2009-12-18T09:52:00.006-06:00

I wanted to share some good news. I met my friend, Amanda Carter, the service delivery coordinator for Oklahoma Marriage Initiative programs in the Tulsa area, for coffee at Panera yesterday afternoon. She gave me some great news: The Oklahoma Marriage Initiative offered me a position as a volunteer ambassador of the organization, and I accepted. It is an honor, but it is also a position with responsibilities that I take seriously. As an ambassador, I will promote the Oklahoma Marriage Initiative's relationship programs throughout the state. I know that it's not the title that matters, but it is often a title that opens doors, allowing you to share your message. I have seen this firsthand. As an undergraduate psychology major, I rarely had opportunities to share my thoughts and vision of supporting children after divorce. However, as Mrs. Tulsa or Mrs. Oklahoma International, I have had many opportunities to speak. It is my hope that the ambassador designation will open doors and give me the chance to further the mission of OMI: reducing Oklahoma's divorce rate and out-of-wedlock birthrate through relationship education. That is a beautiful thing!

Amanda also gave me invaluable insight regarding coordinating volunteers for Blended Love, and we had a great time catching up and talking about education. I wish I had had her help in English when I was in college and I probably could have helped her through her summer algebra class. :) Amanda and I will be distributing literature and signing up couples for Forever. For Real. events at the Tulsa Wedding Show on January 9. On February 6, we will have simultaneous Forever. For Real. events especially for engaged couples in multiple locations throughout the state. I'll be helping out in Tulsa at the Crowne Plaza Hotel. Please follow the link to save $45 on your marriage license and learn skills that will help your love to last forever (for real!).

I absolutely love teaching this material. I learn more about being a better helper for Bobby every time I teach it, so I am looking forward to leading Forever. For Real. workshops this spring. Engaged couples can save $45 of their marriage licenses by attending. Please visit the link to find a free class. I hope to see you there!

2009-12-13T20:13:00.010-06:00

Wishing you laughter, togetherness,
and the joy that comes from God
this holiday season and in the new year!

Merry Christmas!
Love, Bobby, Sasha, George and Ronnie

PSO Parade of Lights

2009-12-13T14:32:00.008-06:00

Thank you Aunt Tracy for loaning us your beautiful car!
Thank you Larry Fox for the signs! They were perfect!

Last night, I appeared in the PSO Parade of Lights! A special thank you goes out to Aunt Tracy and Uncle Dave for providing the convertible for the parade. Thank you also to my wonderful husband Bobby and my friend Ryan Purdy for escorting me. Also, thank you to Larry Fox for being a wonderful contact at Parade Headquarters and for having wonderful signs made for the car! I appreciate each of you so much.

The parade itself was a blast! Prior to the parade, I signed autographs for little girls and boys who were helping out in the fire department float. I met and took photos with the crash test dummies, Tom Hufford AKA Huffy the Clown of the Tulsa Firefighters' Educational Clowns, and Hornsby of the Tulsa Drillers. Tom invited me to participate in some of their upcoming parades and fire safety programs. I am thrilled to be able to help.

Hornsby's horn almost took out my crown!

We had so much fun!

With Tom Hufford, AKA Huffy the Clown,
of the Tulsa Firefighter's Educational Clowns

I also met Mrs. Tulsa International 2010, Stephanie Anello. What a sweet person! She rode in the parade immediately before me. She has a passion for helping people with diabetes, and like my husband, her husband is a hunter! He has his own hunting show called Inside Outdoors, which I thought was pretty cool! (Both my husband and our friend Ryan are hunters.) Stephanie will be a great representative of the Tulsa area and I wish her the best of luck at Mrs. Oklahoma International 2010.

While I haven't seen the footage yet, I hear that I was on television! Several people called and texted Bobby as we were driving by the television cameras. Too funny! My friend Janitha mentioned on facebook that they called me Mrs. Oklahoma 2010 by mistake. She said, "Maybe it's a sign!" :) I hope it is! But I will be happy with whatever outcome is God's will for me. Through my service as Mrs. Tulsa and the benefits of my pageant preparation, I feel as though I've already won. :) I am so grateful that my service as Mrs. Tulsa America is a part of His plan.

Thank you to Larry Fox, Kerry Rowland, and all of the staff and volunteers who made the PSO Parade of Lights possible.

Hornsby and Me. :)
Go Tulsa Drillers!

Bobby, The Crash Test Dummies, and Me :)

Bobby and the Crash Test Dummies!

Bobby took this one from the driver's seat. :)

Thank you!

2009-12-13T14:16:00.005-06:00

I wanted to share the good news: Since I began working out at Sedona, not only do I have more energy and strength, but I have lost 6 lbs and 3 inches! Thank you to my amazing trainer Derek Zabienski and the staff of Sedona Fitness for making this possible! I still have a long way to go until I have that Mrs. America body, but I am on my way and I have Derek and Sedona to thank for it.

Things have also gone extraordinarily well at Toastmasters Club #148. I spend every Monday evening with a group of people that I admire immensely. They provide me with so much insight and advice. I know that after a few more mock interviews with the club, I will be 100% ready for my state pageant interview, my on-stage question, and most importantly, press conferences and news interviews as Mrs. America! I have always felt that serving as Mrs. America was a job, and Toastmasters is preparing me for that job. I am so grateful. I only I hope I can be as much a blessing to them as they have been to me.

Between Toastmasters, training with Derek, Mrs. Tulsa appearances, nonprofit meetings and interviews, my family, social, and church life, and my work as a math instructor at TCC, I have been more than busy this semester, but it has all been a blessing. God is constantly placing people in my path who I can learn from and who share my values. I have learned so much in the past six months and have grown because of it. It is my hope that God will use these experiences to shape me into the person He wants me to be, in order to use me to further His kingdom and serve others for His glory. I am incredibly blessed. Even my difficulties and challenges have taught me much. If I make a small difference anywhere, it is all because of my God. He deserves the glory! It is humbling and exciting to be a small part of God's incredible plan.

Thank you first to God, then to Toastmasters, Derek and the wonderful people I have met. May every experience in life bring you closer to God. :)

Midtown Martial Arts' Break-A-Thon

2009-12-13T14:06:00.008-06:00

On Saturday, December 5th, I helped out at the Midtown Martial Arts' Break-A-Thon! The benefit took place at my gym, Sedona Fitness! My sponsors at Sedona give of themselves on more ways than one. Each of the children in attendance found sponsors who would provide $X per board. After a short warm-up, the children broke as many boards as possible! All of the proceeds went to Family & Children's Services, to purchase Christmas and holiday gifts for children in local families. It was great to see kids being taught that (1) the holiday season is about giving, and (2) that even children have something to give! They used their time and talent to give of themselves to help others, and that is a beautiful thing!

I met some wonderful, generous, supportive families. I signed a few autographs, and I even broke a board with my knee (while wearing 2 1/2 inch heels!) Not bad! ;) It warms my heart to see children gaining self-discipline and new skills, while at the same time, learning that it's not about them but about serving others. It was a lot of fun, and a blessing to me to see children learning to give and learning that even as youngsters, they have something to offer.

School Assembly and Classroom Presentation at Skelly Elementary

2009-12-13T13:59:00.003-06:00

On December 4, I spoke to the 3rd, 4th, and 5th grade classes of Skelly Elementary at their Student of the Month assembly. My speech focused on a key component of the PREP curriculum as applied to everything in life: Decide, Don't Slide!

The speech was about making a difference and making conscious decisions to do what is right, rather than sliding into behaviors that may be easy or comfortable. The school also welcomed two new Partners in Education: Bounce U, and On the Border. Partners in Education adopt local schools and agree to support them. What a special blessing! And what a special school! Ever since my first visit to Skelly, it was clear to me that the leadership was guiding children to become productive young men and women of character. I wish I could adopt Skelly Elementary!

Immediately following the assembly, I visited with Mrs. Mills' 5th grade class for the second time. I love these kids. The first time we visited, I didn't have the chance to finish the goal-setting presentation, so I finished the goal-setting presentation on December 4. I look forward to visiting Mrs. Mills' class again in the new year!

BMX Grand Nationals

2009-12-13T13:46:00.025-06:00

On the day after Thanksgiving, I had the privilege of singing the national anthem at the BMX Grand Nationals in Tulsa. Aside from the Olympics, the BMX Grand Nationals is the largest BMX event of the year. The three Olympic medalists, including the gold medalist from Latvia and the silver and bronze medalists from the USA, were in attendance and competing in this amazing competition.

The Expo Center was quite a sight! There was dirt everywhere! It was also an entirely different culture. Almost every person I met was on wheels. :) To say that the track was difficult is a huge understatement. Athletes from age 4 to age 60 competed -- and athletes of all ages competed on the same extremely difficult track. In many cases, it was a family affair, with young children and their parents and even grandparents competing the same day. I was impressed at their skill and athleticism. It was an honor to sing for such talented athletes and their very supportive families.

I'd like to thank Whitney Miller from the Tulsa Sports Commission for giving me this opportunity to sing, and Cheryl Northness of the Tulsa Drillers for recommending me. I love singing the national anthem! Healthy competition, sports, and the national anthem: It doesn't get much more American than that! It's also a neat bit of history that the Mrs. America program initially supported the National Anthem Project before adopting the larger cause of supporting music education. I'm glad to be able to share my voice and express the love of my country through song. This event was a blast and unlike any other sporting event I have ever attended! Hopefully, I'll have the opportunity to sing at other sporting events throughout the state in the future.

Speaking to Mrs. Mills' Class at Skelly Elementary

2009-12-13T13:42:00.003-06:00

On November 19, I spoke to the students in Mrs. Mills' 5th grade class at Skelly Elementary. What a great group of children! We talked about self-talk, self-esteem, goal-setting, and acceptance. The students also had a lot of intelligent questions about pageantry. They are a very sweet, very affectionate group of kids, and they gave me a huge group hug at the end of class. I look forward to seeing them again soon!

Speaking to the Boy Scouts

2009-12-13T13:38:00.005-06:00

On November 20, I spoke to a group of young boys, grades 1 through 4, at a cub scouts gathering at Lanier Elementary. I spoke to the boys about doing their best, achieving their dreams, and using the gifts to make a difference. It was a lot of fun, and I'm pretty sure that I got them thinking! I wish I had had the opportunity to take photos. :) I'm sure I will next time I speak to them. I look forward to spending more time with the boy scouts in the near future.

The Bethel Foundation Open House

2009-12-13T13:33:00.009-06:00

The Ribbon Cutting

This year November, the Bethel Foundation, a wonderful local nonprofit serving single mothers, celebrated five years of service. Through a series of fateful events, the foundation was blessed with a new building within their budget. On November 14, I witnessed the ribbon cutting, toured the new building, and discussed education, service, helping others, and God's blessings with founder Lynda Powell and many other Bethel foundation volunteers and supporters. I was so happy to be able to share this special moment with them.

Here are a few photos from the event.

All-American Idol

2009-12-13T13:15:00.005-06:00

On November 13, I had the honor and responsibility of judging the Bethel Foundation's All-American Idol. This American-Idol style event was hosted by Megan Joy, the phenomenally talented vocalist from American Idol's Season 8. A single mother herself, she contacted the Bethel Foundation last spring, expressing an interest in supporting the great work they are doing for single moms. She has a fun, spunky personality and when I heard her sing, wow! I had goosebumps! She will be a wonderful asset to the foundation for years to come.

The show featured 20 talented finalists from all over the midwest. It was tough to judge, but in the end, Raymond Mobley was selected as Bethel's own All-American Idol. He has the whole package: an incredible voice, stage presence, and a marketable look and personality. I gave him a perfect score. He won a recording contract and promotional contract for the next several years. I am sure that we will all be hearing more from Raymond in the near future.

I was delighted to spend time with the lovely Heather Rouba, Mrs. Oklahoma America 2009. She has selflessly served many organizations this year, including the Bethel Foundation. It is my understanding that Heather found make-up artists and hair stylists for the event. She is constantly, selflessly giving of herself, her connections, her time and talent, without asking for any recognition in return. She is truly epitomizes what the Mrs. America organization is all about. Mrs. Oklahoma America 2010 will have large shoes to fill! Heather is truly a servant-leader and also a great friend. She also recently took on a new role as partner with a new modeling agency, the Anthony David Agency, at 30 years old. It's amazing to see so many of God's blessings and gifts in a single person. I'm honored to call her my friend.

This was my second year appearing at Bethel's annual benefit, and I'm delighted to have been a part of it. Bethel provides food, Christian counseling, emergency housing, career and educational counseling, and much more to single mothers in need. This is the heart song of founder, Lynda Powell. God has blessed her vision and mission tremendously, and she and her volunteers have in turn been a blessing to moms across Oklahoma. I'm thrilled to support what they do and happy to help in any way I can.

I'd like to say a special thank you to Miss Rachel Hart who did my make-up for the show! I have never felt so beautiful! Thank you for helping me to look better than my best has ever been!

Prashe Fashion Show

2009-12-13T13:09:00.015-06:00

On November 7, I modelled in the Prashe Fashion Show at the Waterford Marriot in Oklahoma City. It was so much fun! I met up with my new friend Kristie Patton (We met at the first Prashe show the previous weekend) and I made many new friends: very sweet, beautiful young ladies and young men who were modeling in the show. Prashe's designs are beautiful! Check them out at her website. It was extremely fast paced and required team work in addition to modeling skills. I love the creativity, self-expression, and team work aspects of the entire beauty and fashion industry. I am intrigued and want to learn more! Thank you to Heather Rouba for thinking of me for this show.

The following photos do not do the event any justice! Still, here are a few photos from the event.

Update

2009-12-08T11:30:00.007-06:00

Hello friends and family,
It has been a busy month! While I have uploaded my photos from my November and early December appearances, I haven't had time to sit down and write about them. It's the end of the semester. I am preparing to administer final exams, finishing up some grading, and submitting grades this week.

I also had my first experience as Toastmaster last week (Thank you to everyone, but especially Mike Dobbs, for making this first-time experience as painless as possible). I have been giving presentations to Mrs. Mills' 5th class, I spoke to a very young group of boy scouts, and I spoke to the third, fourth, and fifth grade classes at Skelly Elementary's student of the month assembly last week. I have had so much fun and I have learned as much from these students as they have probably learned from me. I am finding it much harder to relate to children at 27 years old than I found the same task when I was 19 or 20. It's just been so long since I was 10! I also did some modeling in November (which was fun and is helping to fund the pageant expenses), celebrated my wonderful sister-in-law Carla's (29+1)-th birthday, had a beautiful Thanksgiving dinner at my sister-in-law Melissa's home, and sang the national anthem at the BMX Grand Nationals, the biggest BMX event of the year (other than the Olympics).

I was also elected Vice President Public Relations of our Toastmaster's club. My experiences in Toastmasters have been so helpful to me. It is my hope that my participation, preparation, and public relations efforts will benefit others and introduce new people to our wonderful organization. Visit our club online.

I am looking forward to doing more with Blended Love, a wonderful Tulsa-based organization that supports children of divorce in public schools, and continuing to support Kendall Whittier, Inc.'s programs, especially the new Fab Lab project, this year. I look forward to teaching many more marriage workshops for OMI as well!

While I find myself looking ahead a lot as 2009 comes to a close, I am doing my best to take the time to enjoy the present moment, to serve in small ways where I am, and to always give the glory and honor to God, where it belongs. I am confident and excited about the future because I know I'm the daughter of an amazing all-powerful God! But I also know I'm only human and I have so much room to grow and so much to learn. God's greatness is most evident in our weakness. My prayer is that He'll use every part of us, strengths, weaknesses, personality quirks, and all that He created us to be, for His glory this year.

I'll update the blog with photos and entries about my events soon!
May God bless you and your families during this wonderful season.

Sasha Townsend

OMI is in search of Oklahoma's Most Inspiring Couples!

2009-11-05T16:00:00.004-06:00

Do you know a couple that has truly inspired you? This is your opportunity to share your story and their story with the rest of Oklahoma. The Oklahoma Marriage Initiative recently launched a search for Oklahoma's Most Inspiring Couples, in partnership with The Oklahoman, Newsok.com, and Wimgo.com.

Do you know a couple that has overcome numerous obstacles, exemplifies a strong commitment, works well as a team, serves the community together, or has lived an extraordinary life? Whether they are family members, coworkers, or friends, OMI wants to hear about them!

The deadline for nominations is December 1. Please forward the link below to your family, friends and associates so that we can receive nominations from a diverse base from which to select the top 12 winners. These couples will be featured in The Oklahoman and a 13-month calendar. Their stories will also be highlighted at the multi-location Forever. For Real. events on February 6, 2010.

To nominate a couple who has inspired you, go to www.newsok.com/inspiringcouples.

Psychological Tasks of a Child of a Divorce

2009-11-02T12:43:00.015-06:00

A Synopsis of Wallerstein's 1982 paper.

In the summer of 2003, I won a Miss America local pageant in upstate New York. I thought it was an unlikely win, because I had taken a huge risk on a new platform. I had changed my platform from arts education (which had been my platform for years) to advocacy for children of divorce after writing a research paper on the effects of divorce on children for my English composition class. As a child of divorce, the paper affected me profoundly. When the excitement of the new title had settled, my director Greg asked me, "What do you want to accomplish with this platform? What can you do about it as Miss America?" It was an excellent question. If truth be told, at the beginning I just wanted to be heard. I wanted to increase awareness of the fact that children of divorce need help, much more help than they (we) were receiving. I thought long and hard about this. I asked myself, "What kind of help do children of divorce need?" In addition to simply being heard, I found more information through research. Here is some of what I found.

In her 1982 article, The Psychological Tasks of the Child, Judith Wallerstein identifies six tasks, in addition to the usual tasks of childhood, that must be mastered by children of divorce in order for them to achieve closure.

1. Acknowledging reality of the split. Children must understand that their parents are getting divorced and they must understand the reasons for it.

Timeline: It usually takes one year from the time of the announcement of the divorce for children to master this.
How Adults Can Help: Begin a dicussion to find out why the child thinks that the parents are getting divorced. Address the child's fantasties of why his or her parents are splitting up. Make it clear that it is not the fault of the child and that (if it is true), that the child was born into a loving family. Continue to be available to the child to discuss this as their feelings change and they reevaluate what happened to their family.

2. Disengaging from parent conflict and distress and resuming age-appropriate activities. Parental conflict drains children of the energy necessary to focus on the typical tasks of childhood, emotionally and outwardly. When children are comforting their parents, parenting their siblings, attempting to reunite their parents or acting out to get attention, they don't have the time and energy to study, socialize and play.

Timeline: It is usually mastered within the first year when post-divorce co-parenting is handled well. With high levels of post-divorce conflict, children will likely be affected by parental conflict until the conflict ceases or the adult child leaves their custodial parents' home. In this case, the child may struggle to master this task indefinitely.
How Adults Can Help: Protect your children from parent-to-parent conflict. Teach children and youth from high conflict post-divorce families to communicate wishes to their parents concerning this, to accept the reality of their parents' behavior, and learn to cope positively by focusing on what they can do to help themselves. Guide children and youth toward focusing on age-appropriate activities.

3. Resolution of multiple losses associated with divorce. Children of divorce experience the loss of the daily presence of a parent, familiar routines, traditions, and more. Many children feel victimized & powerless or rejected & unworthy.

Timeline: According to Wallerstein, this task takes longer to achieve than the first two. It is more difficult to achieve when the children are continually disappointed by an unreliable, disinterested or absent parent.
How Adults Can Help: Be a reliable, interested, available person in the life of a child of divorce. Help the children recognize that their parents are not perfect, and that that parental imperfections are not reflected in the child. (Many children of divorce wonder, "If mom says dad is a dead-beat, what does that make me?") Help the child establish traditions in the new family, recognize their own value, and gain a sense of control. Teach children that it is how they handle adversity that matters.

4. Resolving Anger. Since people are responsible for a divorce, children tend to get angry at someone (a parent, both parents, or possibly themselves) for causing it.

Timeline: This usually passes with time.
How Adults Can Help: Tell children that the divorce is not their fault. Teaching coping skills to help children to express anger and other negative emotions well. Help children to understand their feelings and where they are coming from through journalling. Help the child to understand the reasons for the divorce. Teach children about forgiveness.

5. Acceptance of the permanence of the parental split.

Timeline: This happens over time but can be lengthened if one parent continues to hope to get back together and involved the children.
How Adults Can Help: Parents can make it clear that divorce is permanent. Teachers and other adults in the lives of children can make it clear that divorce is usually permanent. Do not encourage the fantasy.

6. Establishing hope for romantic relationships as adults.

How We Can Help: Parents and other adults can show their children and teens that new relationship skills can be learned and that healthy relationships are possible. This is best done by example. Take a relationship enrichment Forever. For Real. course as offered for free by the Oklahoma Marriage Initiative. Talk about some of the concepts discussed with your children.

In reading this list, it is clear that parents make a huge difference in how well their children will adjust after divorce. In my experience, I have seen many parents try to make it clear that the divorce is going to happen and that the divorce is not the child's fault (helping the child with tasks 1, 4, 5). However, when it comes to tasks 2, 3, and 7, the child feels isolated and is left to create coping mechanisms to handle these tasks on their own. The coping mechanisms created by these children are not always healthy. Far too often, parents are unable or unwilling to help their children with the tasks above. Meanwhile teachers are trying to teach math and reading to students that are distracted, distraught, and/or acting out because of their experience of what is happening in their homes.

As caring adults, there is so much we can do! Peer support groups for children of divorce and training for professionals in our religious organizations and schools can be built around these six tasks. I am biased toward supporting children through school-based programs for the sake of practicality. As a former child of divorce, I know that transportation is often an issue for single parents. The best way to help children and families is to meet them where they are: in the public schools. I will write more about how Banana Splits, Blended Love, and similar programs, help children master these six tasks in the near future.

Prashe Trunk Show

2009-11-01T20:48:00.006-06:00

It was a beautiful day at the the Skirvin Hilton Hotel in downtown Oklahoma City, for the Prashe bridal and trunk show. The extremely talented Prashe and her team design inspired Indian bridal attire and decor. The location, the models, the talented hair dresser Ilquia Anderson and fabulous make-up artist April Mary, the vendors and most importantly Prashe's beautiful Indian creations... All of it was absolutely beautiful! I was impressed again and again by the beauty and detail of the clothes I wore today, and I loved both my hair and make-up! Thank you so much to the team who put on the show today. Everyone did a fantastic job.

I met some wonderful people, including my new friend Kristie Patton! Kristie was 2nd runner-up at the Mrs. Oklahoma America pageant last year, and I can see why. She is absolutely beautiful in every sense of the word. She has personality, beauty, brains, and heart. I'm so glad we met! I hope we'll see each other again soon!

I have to say a big THANK YOU to Mrs. Oklahoma 2009, Heather Rouba, for contacting me about this job, helping to train me on the differences between walking for modeling and walking for pageantry, and for her friendship and example. I feel so blessed to know her. I can't articulate what an incredible Mrs. Oklahoma Heather has been. For now, let's just say she integrates intelligence, fashion, glamour, style, service, values, and a sincere and pure heart in a way that I have never seen in another person. And she has no idea how beautiful she is. I admire her so much. Thanks for everything, Heather. We love you and I'm proud to have you representing Oklahoma!

The Prashe fashion show takes place next Saturday in OKC! Stay tuned for more details!

Don't forget!

2009-10-31T21:51:00.004-05:00

Fall Back! Enjoy an extra hour of sleep tonight.
At 2 AM, you can set your clock to one o'clock.
I LOVE Daylight Savings Time (especially in the fall.) :)

2009 Tulsa Run

2009-10-31T11:41:00.004-05:00

I ran the 5K this morning in the Tulsa Run! I feel great! This year's run benefited LIFE Senior Services and the YMCA of Greater Tulsa. Please visit the links to learn more about these wonderful organizations.

I was proud to represent Tulsa and the Mrs. Oklahoma America organization in this wonderful local tradition. I can't wait to do it again next year!

Happy Halloween!

2009-10-31T11:39:00.005-05:00

Bobby and I would like to wish everyone a Happy Halloween!

Have fun and be safe tonight!

HallowZOOeen

2009-10-31T10:45:00.013-05:00

With my partner in crime, Christy Brock

Last night, I had a blast at HallowZOOeen! As a volunteer game attendant, I staffed the Jack-O-Lantern Toss with fellow volunteer Christy Brock. Christy is such a sweet person. At the beginning of the evening, I manned this station by myself. I was going behind the jack-o-lantern, picking up bean bags, bringing the bean bags to the next child in line and handing out candy as prize, all at pretty much the same time. It was very fast paced, quite a sight and definitely amusing! Many parents helped by passing me bean bags. Someone noted that I am going to have great quads after doing all of those squats! LOL Then Christy came (my hero!) and we worked together to make the game as fun as possible for the kids!

Our station - The Jack-O-Lantern Toss

Bobby took this photo of me in our living room
I was a Mrs. Tulsa princess.

All of the volunteers were given the opportunity to dress up. I thought, "Little girls always ask me if I'm a princess. Why not just go with it?" I dressed up, wearing my crown and sash, with one goal in mind: to be as princess-like as possible. I brought two extra tiaras for the girls to try on and they loved them! My only wish was that I had enough tiaras to give one to every girl. It was so hard saying no when they asked me if they could keep it! I said, "If I let you take it, then no one else will be able to try it on." This is a lesson learned. Many people asked, "Are you the real Mrs. Tulsa?" I took lots of photos with ghosts and goblins of all kinds -- from scary princesses to witches to super heroes. The children were so adorable in their costumes and very sweet. They were generally very determined to do well in the Jack-O-Lantern toss and that was really cute too.

I was so busy working that I didn't have a chance to take many photos once the Pumpkin Patch Playroom got busy, but I have a couple of photos with kids that I took for parents who didn't have cameras. I emailed the photos to them just before I sat down to write this. At the end of the night, I was wiped out but the evening was a huge success! I think the kids had a great time and parents were happy to have a place to go where the kids can get safe candy. I can't wait to go back to the zoo to volunteer again next year. If you don't have plans, HallowZOOeen is also open tonight from 6:30 to 8:30 PM. Tickets are $6 for members and $7 for general admission.

Have fun and be safe tonight! ~ SMPT

With Two Scary Princesses

With a precious ladybug princess - so cute!

Tulsa Zoo's 20th Annual HallowZOOeen!

2009-10-29T23:52:00.002-05:00

Join me tomorrow night, October 30, at Tulsa Zoo's 20th annual HallowZOOeen! I will be volunteering at this spooky, but not too scary Halloween adventure where boys and ghouls can trick-or-treat in an evening of safe family fun! HallowZOOeen is open on Halloween night as well. I hope to see you there!

Tulsa Zoo and Living Museum
6421 E 36th St N, Tulsa 74115
$6 for members, $7 general admission
6:30 - 8:30 PM

Coming Up November 13: Bethel Foundation's All American Idol

2009-10-29T23:22:00.011-05:00

Oklahoma's Bethel Foundation, a non-profit organization supporting single mothers, is excited to announce its first annual "All American Idol" competition. The event will take place on November 13 in Oklahoma City at the Coca Cola Bricktown Events Center. The foundation was recently contacted by Megan Joy from the Fox Network's American Idol Season 8. Megan expressed her desire to assist in raising money for the organization that helps get single mothers back on their feet. This event will not only increase funds and heighten awareness for Bethel Foundation, but also give upcoming artists a chance to display their talents and take the next step in their career. There are some amazing artists competing on the final night. Please bring a guest. This event is open to the public.

The Bethel Foundation provides help for single moms - by helping moms to find temporary housing, complete the college application and financial aid application processes, and find work and pursue career advancement opportunities. The foundation also provides necessities in times of struggle. I remember my mom working full time, going back to school, and rebuilding her life, all of this while raising three girls on her own. I know she could have benefited tremendously from such a program and that there are many more women out there who can benefit from the tangible help and hope provided by the foundation.

Mrs. Oklahoma 2009 Heather Rouba and I have the honor of serving as judges for the event. Don't miss it!! Find out more and purchase tickets: All American Idol.

My Platform Has a New Name...Family Matters

2009-10-29T22:16:00.014-05:00

My platform has a new name! I chose the name "Family Matters" because it encompasses my primary messages:

First, family matters:
(a) Children of divorce and children experiencing instability in their home lives are often unable to reach their potential in the classroom (academically as well as socially) because we as adults and as a community fail to recognize and address this family instability. This part of my message focuses on the problem and negative impacts of the problem of lack of support for children from nontraditional families.

(b) Children whose parents have a healthy, thriving marriage tend to do better socially and academically.

(c) A healthy, satisfying marriage enriches every area of your life. Individuals in self-reported happy marriages tend to do better in their roles at work, home, and in the community. Of course, happy marriages are rewarding in their own right as well. I believe marriage teaches us to be better people.

Second, Family Matters expresses that the solution to the problem is to discuss and address "family matters".
(a) Peer support and educator training focus on helping children accept the new family status, showing them tangibly that they are not alone, that how they are feeling is natural and that there are ways to help themselves feel better -- while helping the adults in their lives to guide children to develop healthy coping skills.

(b) The secrets to a happy, lasting, satisfying marriage can be learned! We can do so much to enrich our relationships including protecting our relationships from negative, eroding patterns of interaction, handling issues well, learning to solve problems from a teamwork mindset, clarifying and communicating our expectations and protecting and nurturing fun, friendship, sensuality, sexuality, and spirituality -- all of the things that make relationships wonderful.

(c) When we choose, as a community, to embrace the fact that family matters and educate ourselves, do our part, and make conscious decisions to make healthy relationships and guidance for children a priority, all of our community benefits. No man is an island. We're all connected to each other. The health of a family increases the health of our community -- and that is a beautiful thing.

My service goals are to
*to educate the community about the experiences of children of divorce and the need for relationship education,
*to offer individual and community-based solutions to help children and youth,
*to increase access to divorce support programming,
*to connect students, parents and educators to divorce support programming,
*to connect individuals to relationship classes,
, and
*to build on strengths to help students and families recognize their self-worth and develop a strong, healthy family identity, make healthy choices, and meet their potential.

This summer, I began research to start a 501(c)(3) nonprofit under this name, but I quickly found that that course of action is unnecessary. Oklahoma has MANY wonderful nonprofits and private / public partnerships that support families in these ways and others, including the Oklahoma Marriage Initiative, the Bethel Foundation, Blended Love, Calm Waters, Divorce Care for Kids, Divorce Care, Kendall Whittier, Inc., Family & Children's Services, and many more organizations throughout the state that do what they can to support families and help them gain or regain to stability. There is no need for another organization to compete for funding while trying to meet the same needs. Instead, I'm focusing on connecting people to these resources and working with existing organizations using the skills, knowledge and connections I have to try to help them achieve their missions and make their visions a reality. Please contact me if there is anyway I can help. Enough about me and my goals...I hope you like the new name! I will post developments soon!

Forever. For Real. at Stokely Event Center

2009-10-24T17:33:00.013-05:00

I had a great time today at the Forever. For Real. one day event for engaged couples at the Stokely Event Center. Stokely is such a fun location! There were huge signs everywhere, and free arcade games available to our engaged couples. I had to play a couple of games of ski ball! It was a lot of fun!

Love was definitely in the air, as evidenced by a lot of hand-holding, kissing, and learning as we presented highlights of the PREP curriculum: communication danger signs, time out, speaker-listener technique, expectations, issues & hidden issues, protecting the good stuff, forgiveness, and commitment. Amanda Carter organized this wonderful event where workshop leaders Lauren Gould Alvarez and Terry Buxton engaged the crowd of 125 people. They are both such great speakers! OMI coaches Gary, Otis, Terra and I assisted and coached couples throughout the day as they practiced their new techniques. We also celebrated Otis's birthday! Happy birthday, Otis! I will post more on PREP content soon (when I have more time!).

"It's a such a God thing!" - my friend Hayden Rush
I had the opportunity to share my platform of divorce support and divorce prevention with all of these people. I feel that in the few minutes I spoke, my sincerity was clear. I had many divorced parents approach me about support for children of divorce in their schools and communities. I met new people and rekindled old relationships with others who have the same heart, people who recognize that academic achievement and social and relational development suffer when there is instability in the home. I don't want to get ahead of myself, but I think God is finally opening the doors to allow me to reach children of divorce through school programs. Please pray for receptive principals, wisdom and guidance, and success in establishing divorce support programs in schools! Even as we approach public schools with secular programs and Christian schools with Christian programs, I know that supporting suffering children and families is God's work. I pray for these children and families every day. This is my ministry. I can't wait to see what God has planned next! Stay tuned...As details are finalized, I'll let you in on the good news!

Calling all engaged couples!

2009-10-23T21:35:00.013-05:00

.
The Oklahoma Marriage Initiative is hosting a one-day event, especially design for engaged couples! It's Forever. For Real., based on the phenomenal Prevention and Relationship Enhancement Program. You can save $45 on your marriage license by attending while learning skills that will help love last. The event takes place tomorrow at the Stokely Event Center in Tulsa from 10 AM to 4 PM. I will be there coaching couples. I hope to see you there!

Click on the link below to find Stokely on googlemaps!

Stokely Event Center
10111 E. 45th Place
Tulsa 74146

Creed concert!

2009-10-23T18:55:00.004-05:00

On October 9, Bobby, Bobby's best friend Ryan & his wife Kara, my brother-in-law and sister-in-law Dave & Melissa, and I attended the Staind/Creed concert! We had so much fun. Many thanks to Jaclyn Stapp for arranging our reunion! I love Jaclyn so much. She has a huge heart, is a wonderful role model, and is a lot of fun to boot! It was great seeing my one of my best friends from pageantry after years of staying in touch while living across the country from each other, and it was nice to finally introduce our husbands! Ryan and Kara weren't able to stay, but Melissa, Dave, Bobby and I were able to stay after the concert and meet Jaclyn & Scott in the V.I.P. room. It was so much fun! I could also go on and on about the music...It was a blast!

Thank you, Sedona!

2009-10-23T17:20:00.007-05:00

Welcome to Sedona!

In August, I contacted Sedona Fitness & Spa about sponsorship. I feel so blessed to say that the management, including store manager Tracy Wood, welcomed me with open arms! Since then I have been working out regularly with my amazing trainer Derek Zabienski! I know my body will be Mrs. America fit in time for the state pageant! Derek and I do weight training three times a week, while I do cardio six days a week on my own. As for diet, I try to eat lots of green vegetables, fish and chicken for protein, brown rice and sweet potatoes for my carbohydrates, and plenty of water. I do sneak in an occasional skinny latte at Starbucks (a girl has to indulge sometimes!) but I will be cutting out all of the unhealthy stuff as the pageant approaches.

Thank you to Derek and the entire Sedona team for believing in me and giving me the guidance to get into the best shape of my life! We will post before and after pictures closer to the pageant...so stay tuned! Come work out where I work out! I'll see you at the gym. :)

New photos from my photography sponsor, Wendy Mutz!

2009-10-21T15:04:00.010-05:00

Yesterday I received several photos via email from the extremely gifted and talented Wendy Mutz. I had so much fun taking photos with her. She made me feel 100% relaxed and comfortable. She also has a great eye! Click on the photos to get a closer look, and visit her on the web at www.MutzPhotography.com. Thank you Wendy for your time, talent, and sense of humor!

Update

2009-10-09T15:49:00.007-05:00

Hello friends! The past few weeks have passed by so quickly. I have been making appearances, preparing for the state pageant, celebrating my wonderful husband's birthday and my friend's upcoming nuptials, and teaching and grading.

Kendalll Whittier, Inc.'s annual benefit, titled "A Beautiful Night For the Neighborhood" was a huge success. We raised a lot of money that will enable us to continue serving the Kendall Whittier community through our youth mentoring program and emergency food pantry. It was a first class event, and Forever Plaid! was a hoot! I've decided that I need one of those jackets because they are too cool! I laughed so hard. We began the night with a raffle of wonderful prizes and heard inspirational speeches from a parent, a child, and a volunteer who have personally benefited from KWI programming. I am honestly thrilled to be a small part of the team that made that happen.

The following weekend, several of Janitha Jendrzey's bridesmaids got together and surprised our friend with a personal bridal shower at the Jan's favorite restaurant, the Melting Pot! Jan is an excellent judge of character! Although I was meeting the majority of these women for the first time, we all laughed hard, had a great conversation, and had a lot in common. The whole group helped me repair Jan's bridal shower cake. Bobby made another incredible cake. The cake was in the shape of a Louis Vuitton handbag and the fondant "handles" fell out of the cake and ruined the icing as I was transporting it to the MP. In the end though, we creatively fixed the cake, Jan loved it, and all of us had the chance to celebrate Jan, our friendship with her, and the beginning of her fairy tale with soon-to-be husband Chris Moore.

The next morning I ran in the 2009 Run For Life/Walk For Adoption, a benefit for Catholic Charities of Tulsa. I ran with my local titleholder sash on. A person on the sidelines kept yelling, "Goooooo Mrs. Tulsa! There goes Mrs. Tulsa! Mrs. Tulsa is headed for the finish line!" LOL I felt the need to represent all of women in pageantry well so I ran the whole way! I'm still not a runner per se, but I'm getting there! It was a fun appearance and I took photos with several little ones who wanted to meet me. Anytime I can use my title to bring new excitement to the pro-life cause, I'm glad to do it. A lot of families were happy to know that Mrs. Tulsa is pro-life.

On September 30 and October 7, I co-led workshops 4 and 5 of the Oklahoma Marriage Initiative's Forever For Real workshop series at Family & Children's Services. I love leading this workshop. I love knowing that I am giving couples valuable information, information that could very well save and enrich their relationships if they are willing to apply it. I also learn a lot myself as I get to know the participants and present the material. The workshops always serve as reminders of how I can be a better wife to Bobby, a better servant and a better helper for him. In our workshops, we emphasize that each person should decide to make it safe to connect and to do their part -- and that each person should not worry so much about whether or not the other person is doing their part. My former pastor's wife, Becky Hunter, at Northland Community Church in Central Florida, wrote a book called Being Good to Your Husband on Purpose. That's the kind of wife I want to be. Every time I teach this class, I come home a little bit more ready to be good to Bobby on purpose.

On September 30, I spent the night at a hotel on the fairgrounds with my good friend Ashley Baumgartner. I was her chaperon for the Miss Tulsa State Fair pageant. I couldn't be more proud of Ashley. It's my understanding that she swept the pageant on Thursday, winning every competition, and of course, she won the title in the process. She is our new Miss Tulsa State Fair! I love this young woman so much. She has a heart for service and a heart for God. She's learning to be more confident with the gifts God has given her and I'm so proud of her for that. I also know that she's a sweet, hilarious and inspirational person. With or without a crown, she will continue to make a difference in the world. If the judges can see her for who she truly is, I know she will go far in pageantry! I am already confident that Ashley will go far in life. She has what it takes. I may be completely biased but I am very proud of my good friend "Baums!". :)

After the fair, we celebrated Bobby's birthday! We celebrated at Dave & Buster's on the 4th. It seems to me that Dave & Buster's WAS MADE for the Townsend family. After dinner and drinks, we had a blast playing ski ball, air hockey, and arcade games like kids. It was so much fun and the perfect place to celebrate a birthday!

This Monday, I was assigned the role of Grammarian at Toastmasters and I won the "Best Evaluator" award! These little things (awards, etc.) are very encouraging to a newbie like me. I can't wait to become a phenomenal public speaker. It's going to take time, but I know I will get there...and then I'll continue to participate in Toastmasters because I believe that (1) when we have been nurtured and taught by others, we should pay it forward and (2) there is always more to learn.

We had a spirited discussion at this week's Forever. For Real. workshop, and I think we learned a lot from each other in addition to what we learned from the planned material. I will post again soon about the subject matter: forgiveness.

Tonight, we go to the Creed concert and I get to see one of the sweetest people in the world, Jaclyn Stapp! Jaclyn and I finally have the chance to introduce our husbands. :) Tomorrow, I have a photo shoot with the fabulous Wendy Mutz in Oklahoma City. Next week, I have the last Forever For Real workshop in this series and the fairytale wedding of Janitha Jendzrey and Christopher Moore in Austin next weekend. All of this and grading...lots and lots of grading.

I hope all of you have a wonderful weekend! I hope God blesses you and guides you, and uses you to make a difference in the lives of others. I'll post photos soon!

Whew! What a week!

2009-09-22T15:27:00.003-05:00

I don't have much time to write, but I wanted to say THANK YOU to all of the wonderful people who have supported Kendall Whitter Inc. and will show their support this Thursday at "A Beautiful Night For the Neighborhood". I've never seen Forever Plaid but it's supposed to be hilarious! Thank you to all who have donated money and gifts to help families from one of Tulsa's most impoverished neighborhoods.

In the past week, I have trained with Derek Zabienski of Sedona fitness four times (and man, am I sore!). I have spoken about Time Out and Good Communication with my wonderful co-leader Pat Jonston at Family & Children's Services. I registered brides and grooms for upcoming relationship education classes at The Perfect Wedding Guide Wedding show. I ran a 5K and raised $200 for Race for the Cure (**Save Second Base!**) and gave a short interview on Fox 23 about the wonderful work of Kendall Whittier Inc., our increased need for services in these tough economic times, and our upcoming benefit, A Beautiful Night For the Neighborhood.

KWI: We're talking about real families, our neighbors in need. I know that times are tough and everyone is being more choosey with how they spend their money, but I have to tell you, a donation to KWI is money well-spent. It is money invested in our neighbors, our youth and community that will ultimately reap more benefits than we can ever imagine. I have met so many wonderful and generous people through Kendall Whittier Inc. These are people with a lot of money and a little money and everywhere in between. All of this nonprofit work has reminded me of Grandma Lim. She was generous not because of how much or what she had; she was generous because that's truly who she was. Her generosity was just an overflowing of her heart. Whether she had a lot or a little, she couldn't help but give it away. I hope to carry on her legacy. I miss you grandma. I had two of the best grandmas in the world.

I will write more soon about the past week's events! I regret to say that I forgot my camera (oh, well) but that's the way it goes. As my friend Pam Bolter once eloquently wrote for a TFTJ article, volunteering is more than a photo op! And my fellow pageant queens, volunteering is more than one more event to add to your list of appearances. I believe God has blessed each of us with so much to give and we receive it back 100-fold when we do. Volunteering is an opportunity to give of yourself, with or without a crown. And that is a beautiful thing.

Training with Derek at Sedona fitness

2009-09-15T14:55:00.007-05:00

My first session with Derek Zabienski, my trainer at Sedona fitness, went extremely well! We worked on my chest and tricep muscles this morning. I am already a little sore. Then I followed up with 30 minutes on the elliptical.

I can't tell the world enough how grateful I am to Sedona and their team. I feel great and I know I will be bikini ready by April 17. I've already chosen my swimsuit for the state pageant. It is a beautiful, flattering red bikini swimsuit sold by Victoria's Secret. I already have this swimsuit in black and I love it! Although I'm not looking forward to giving up my favorite Italian cuisine, I know the benefits of daily diet and exercise will be worth it, in how I look, feel, and present myself, not to mention my heart health! Mrs. America must be fit in order to keep up with her demanding schedule. As Mrs. Tulsa, I'm already getting a small taste of what that is like. I'm busy right now, but everything I'm doing is worthwhile and I love it! Watch out, Mrs. America, here I come!

Thank you, thank you, thank you to my amazing trainer Derek for his insightful tips and help with proper form this morning. Also, the club is offering a huge discount right now. Membership is only $19.95 per month! In my opinion, your body, your health, and your life is certainly worth the investment of $20 per month and 30 minutes per day at the gym. The club is centrally located at 31st & Harvard. For more information on Sedona, visit them online at the Sedona Fitness Club website.

Toastmasters - Tulsa Club 148

2009-09-15T07:36:00.002-05:00

I gave my first speech last night! It was the ice breaker speech, my opportunity to introduce myself to the club. I was honestly more nervous giving this speech than I have been in giving a speech in a long time.

I will say that I tied for best speech and my opening was great! (I admit to having using that opening a time or two before :)) Then I spoke about my community service, teaching, and my interests. I spoke about my desire to develop the skills to become a great Mrs. America and that this role of Mrs. America is a job. I feel great about the fact that I am always looking for ways to challenge myself, that I can assimilate gently-given criticism into real change, and that my passion for serving others and making a difference will always help me to be more comfortable. When I take the focus off of myself and put it on others, I always feel 100% more comfortable in my own skin.

One piece of feedback that I didn't receive from others but I gave myself last night to be kind and forgiving of your own mistakes! There will be no more labeling myself as this kind of person or that kind of person, because there comes a point when we begin to believe our self talk. If I can forgive others, I can forgive myself and stop labeling myself. I'm a work in progress and I'll be Mrs. America ready by April. I'm embracing every opportunity to improve and give to others. I can't wait to get there!

2009-09-13T23:14:00.003-05:00

Anyway
by Mother Theresa

People are often unreasonable, illogical and self-centered;
Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives;
Be kind anyway.

If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some enemies;
Succeed anyway.

If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you;
Be honest anyway.

What you spend years building,
someone may try to destroy overnight;
Build anyway.

If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous;
Be happy anyway.

The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow;
Do good anyway.

Give the world the best you have,
and it may never be enough;
Give the world the best you’ve got anyway.

You see in the final analysis,
it is between you and God;
It was never between you and them anyway...

Conflict at Home: Stay together for the children?

2009-09-13T13:25:00.014-05:00

I have heard so many parents say, "We fight so much that if we divorce, the kids will be much better off." Unfortunately, that may not be the case. People want to know, "Is it better to stay together for the children?" Although this is posed as a yes or no question, we have to qualify the answer if we are going to answer honestly.

First of all, I have to admit that I am biased toward marriage. If a relationship is not verbally or physically abusive, I believe that even relationships damaged by nasty words and reprehensible actions can be repaired if the will is there on both sides.

On Abusive Relationships
That being said, I would never encourage a person in an abusive relationship to stay in an abusive relationship. GET OUT. As soon as you can. If you know someone who is struggling to leave an abusive relationship, consider using some of these national resources:

*SAFELINE: a national domestic violence helpline 1-800-522-7233
*SUBSTANCE ABUSE & MENTAL HEALTH SERVICES ADMINISTRATION: a national website with links for help with substance abuse and mental health services
http://www.samhsa.gov/aboutsamhsa/contacts.aspx
*Substance abuse helpline: provides referrals for substance abuse treatment 1-800-622-HELP
*National Hopeline Network: A national hotline for suicide prevention 1-800-SUICIDE

There is no shame in leaving a relationship because of problems with aggression and violence. The bottom line is that you need to do what is necessary to ensure that you and your children are safe. Call 911 if you are in immediate danger.

In Tulsa, call DVIS, Domestic Violence Intervention Services Crisis line at 918.7HELPME.

Should We Stay Together for the Kids?
Keeping this question in mind, let's consider the outcomes for children of divorce.

Some psychologists believe that children suffer no more after divorce than they do on average, while other psychologists believe that all children suffer lasting consequences due to divorce, even children from divorces that were handled extremely well by the parents. However, most scientists agree that is the level of conflict in the home that makes the largest difference in outcomes for children after divorce. Let's look at four possibilities:

*Low conflict marriage to low conflict post-divorce parenting
*Low conflict marriage to high conflict post-divorce parenting
*High conflict marriage to low conflict post-divorce parenting
*High conflict marriage to high conflict post-divorce parenting

In this section, I am only considering the effects of divorce on the children, not the divorcing adults. Only you can decide what is best for both you and your kids.

1. Low conflict marriage to low conflict post-divorce parenting:
All divorce is painful. Even in homes where conflict was minimal before divorce and parents are excellent co-parents post divorce, children still experience the pain of the loss of their intact family. Ultimately, in this case, it is better for the children if the parents stay together. Children fare better in the intact marriage than in the post-divorce home with the same low level of parental conflict. When conflict is low, it doesn't seem to bother the children that their parents aren't romantically in love anymore. Most low conflict marriages that end in divorce become low-conflict post divorce families.

In this case, I highly recommend the couple work at staying together. You fell in love once, and with good reason. With hard work, a forgiving heart, and an open mind, you can learn to improve communication and nurture the positive aspects of your relationship. With less conflict, there is often less damage. You can rebuild a new marriage together.

2. Low conflict marriage to high conflict post-divorce parenting:
This is obviously worse for the children. This happens when married couples, who previously had reason to be civil, no longer feel the need to be civil and instead act out their frustration toward each other in front of their children. This is the least common of the four possibilities but is obviously damaging when it happens. In this case, it would have been better for the children had you stayed together unhappily in a low conflict home than to subject the children to the transition of divorce and an increase in parental conflict.

3. High conflict marriage to low conflict post-divorce parenting:
Children can benefit greatly from this scenario. Although divorce is still painful, seeing the parents resolve their differences in a healthy way and often establish healthier, happier relationships with each other and with new romantic partners is good for children. Unfortunately, many high conflict marriages that end in divorce do not result in low-conflict post divorce families.

4. High conflict marriage to high conflict post-divorce parenting:
This is the most damaging situation. Where pre-divorce fighting was the norm, the children now experience post-divorce conflict. Like possibility #1, often, conflict between the parents escalates as the parents have no reason (other than the children) to attempt to be civil. The children lose their intact family. The in-fighting that caused the divorce gets worse. Children feel more alone and insecure than ever, as they witness their parents tearing each other down often while putting the children in the middle. This can last for years, even as long as a decade in some cases. Children are affected by their parents' inability to get along long after their 18th birthday.

What to do...
First of all, I can't answer this question for you. But I can offer you questions that may help you make your decision. Considering these realities, it would seem that the best course of action depends on the state of the marriage. If you are considering divorce, do you have a high-conflict marriage or a low-conflict marriage? In either case, can you learn to repair the damage? Are you willing to? If you are in a high-conflict marriage, will conflict decrease or increase after divorce? Please be honest with yourself here. If you are both mature enough to divorce while agreeing to continue to do what is best for your children, ending a high conflict marriage in favor of a low conflict post divorce family is best for the kids. Although divorce is always painful, the decrease in conflict and the healthy relationships that will replace the previously unhappy marriage will be good for your children. Still, the individuals involved will need to work on their communication skills for future relationships. Otherwise, you risk the chance of repeating your mistakes, and having your children experience this painful transition in painful divorce after painful divorce. If divorce leads to healthier relationships down the road and less conflict, your children will fare better. If divorce leads to more conflict, your children will fare better in the intact home.

As I write this, I wonder what I would be thinking, as a unhappily married adult woman and mother, reading this post. "Do I want to stay with my partner just because he isn't mature enough to do right by our kids after our divorce? That really doesn't sound like someone I would like to be with....It doesn't sound fair to me, and yet, staying together would be best for the kids." What do you do then?

It's a tough decision and it ultimately has to be up to you. I have heard so many parents say, "We fight so much that if we divorce, the kids will be much better off." Unfortunately, that may not be the case. If you decide to divorce, rebuilding your life and learning how to co-parent with your ex is going to be one of the most challenging things you learn to do in your life. You'll have to learn to get along with your ex to do what is best for your children. If you couldn't do it when you were married, it may be even more difficult to get along after divorce. I hope this information helps you to make an informed decision.

Urban Indulgence

2009-09-13T12:50:00.001-05:00

Last night, I indulged at Urban Indulgence hosted by Urban Tulsa Weekly at the Hard Rock Hotel and Casino. It was so much fun and all for a great cause! This evening featured sweet treats, gourmet cuisine, fine spirits, rambunctious entertainment and $1,000's in prizes and giveaways. The best part? One-hundred percent of the proceeds for the night benefited Tulsa Advocates for the Protection of Children and The American Diabetes Association.

I admit to having indulged a little more than I had planned, but the cream-filled puff pastries topped with just the right amount of caramelized sugar were absolutely worth it! Mrs. Oklahoma International 2009, Rachel Roberts, and her lovely mom, were on hand, selling raffle tickets for a guitar signed by Toby Keith. Rachel is one of my favorite people. It was so great seeing her! I also met up with my friend Cassondra, a volunteer and fellow fundraising committee member for Kendall Whittier Inc. The ballroom was lined with tables offering sweets, pizza, pasta, beer, and wine. When I arrived just after 7 pm, the ballroom was packed.

I know that at $25 per person we raised a lot of money for juvenile diabetes research last night. And...did I mention the puff pastries? Eating puff pastries, ice cream, and some delectable toffee to fund research is precisely my idea of a good time. I also spend a lot of time chatting with Steve Smith of KBEZ. He interviewed me on KBEZ before Mrs. International last year, and I saw him at several events, including the last summer's Tulsa Wedding Show. I'm pretty sure Steve and I had a heart to heart while surrounded by sweets last night. He asked me a lot of good questions -- questions that I'll be thinking about for a while -- and I learned that his daughter and I have a lot in common. :) It was great seeing Steve again. He definitely got me thinking.

Cassondra and I decided that Urban Indulgence is going to be an annual event for us. Wow. As Rachel Ray would say, "Yum - o!" Hats off to Urban Tulsa Weekly for planning a wonderful event that will help a lot of children and take steps toward better treatment options and a cure.

Forever. For Real. at Family & Children's Services

2009-09-11T09:14:00.005-05:00

This Wednesday night Pat Johnston and I co-led our first workshop of six in the Forever. For Real. workshop series at Family & Children's Services. We had a lot of students and I think everyone learned something new on Wednesday night. This is my first experience using PREP 7.0, a newly updated version of the PREP curriculum that we've been using for the past several years. I love the new version! It's much more interactive and entertaining, and I believe with my whole heart that this new approach to the same information will help people remember the concepts and apply them to their lives.

We started with some ice breaker exercises, getting the couples comfortable talking to each other and with each other about the concepts we will discuss over the next six weeks. We also discussed relationships today, what a good marriage looks like (there is no right answer by the way) and what we look for in a mate. Then the last half of the class, we got into the meat of the material. We talked about the four commuication danger signs, or four warning signs that let you know that your communication is not working. Marriages work well for different reasons. We all have different things that we are looking for in a mate. In contrast, most relationships that fail fail for the same reasons. In other words, while couples are unique in what attracted them to each other, we all tend to fall out of love because of the same relationship-damaging habits in our communication. We discussed these four danger signs: escalation, invalidation, negative interpretations and avoidance and withdrawal. We noted that all couples get into these patterns, but healthy couples exit these patterns quickly because they realize these are damaging to their relationship. If not, many negative things are said that cannot be taken back and many, many positives are needed to rebuild the relationship back to the place where it began.

Next week, we're discussing time out (and that's not putting your spouse in the corner), good communication, and events, issues and hidden issues. Week 2 will help couples exit damaging conversations, learn to speak about issues in a safe and constructive way, and get to the root of that fight about nothing that keeps happening over and over.

It's tough stuff we talk about in these classes, but the class itself is light-hearted and fun. We laugh a lot and it's more of a workshop atmosphere than a classroom atmosphere. Couples can save $45 on their marriage licenses for attending but more importantly, any couple, at any stage in their relationship, can learn something from this class and benefit from this class -- if they apply it. Just like anything else in life, you get out what you put into it. I feel so fortunate to be able to teach this material and reevaluate my own marriage. Every time I teach this class I learn something new, or recall something that is more relevant to my marriage now than it was to my marriage the last time I taught this material. It helps me become a better wife and a better helper to Bobby. To be able to give more of myself to Bobby and help others to do the same for their spouses is a great feeling. I'm glad to be a part of the Oklahoma Marriage Initiative and the good things they are doing for couples.

To find a workshop, visit www.foreverforreal.com.
Because marriage now comes with instructions.

Miss Tulsa, Miss Tulsa's Outstanding Teen

2009-09-11T08:41:00.006-05:00

Last weekend, I attended the Miss Tulsa and Miss Tulsa's Outstanding Teen pageants, two official preliminary pageants to the Miss Oklahoma pageant and Miss Oklahoma's Outstanding Teen pageant, which in turn are preliminaries to the Miss America and MAOTeen Scholarship Pageants. This was my first official appearance as Mrs. Tulsa America 2010.

I love the MAO (Miss America Organization). The contestants were extremely talented. They had each obviously spent some time in the gym. The evening wear was breathtaking, and each of the contestants spoke confidently and eloquently during on-stage question.

I remember competing in this program in my younger days. It was tough. The interviews were challenging, and the talent (especially in Oklahoma) was incredible. Competition was fierce but the other women also became some of my closest friends. Every young woman worked hard for every category of competition and that hard work paid off. As a two-time local titleholder, and often-time runner-up and Miss Congeniality, I won over $4000 in scholarships in the Miss America program. I credit the Miss America Organization (and a very old version of Don Baker's Communications Plus notebook) for my interview skills today. I still have much to learn...but the MAO brought my Q & A skills to a whole new level.

Given my history, it was almost surreal watching young ladies competing in this slightly different version of the pageant I competed in 5-9 years ago. The pageant was so different (the fashions worn, the on-stage questions asked) and yet so very much the same.

I was there supporting my friend Megan Johnson. Megan competed beautifully! It was a tough competition to call because there were so many beautiful, talented and articulate young women, and because we didn't see the private interviews, but I was proud and happy for Megan when she was named first runner-up! Megan also won the talent competition. If you could have seen these young people, wow... winning the talent portion was a feat to be proud of in itself. The new Miss Tulsa is Talia Berning. What a lovely young woman. All of the contestants did a great job! One surprise of the evening was to see Jessica Begley, a former calculus student of mine, competing on stage. She was wonderful! The teens were adorable and talented as well. I'm so glad that young women and teens in Oklahoma have an opportunity to grow through this incredible program. I agree with Miss Tulsa 2009, Damaris Pierce, who said that Oklahoma has the best state program in the country. With back to back Miss Americas just three years ago, I have to agree. But I'm an Okie, now. I may be baised. ;) I had a great time and plan to continue to support the program by attending more locals this season.

Thank you Sedona fitness & spa!

2009-09-01T15:27:00.002-05:00

I am pleased to announce that Sedona fitness and spa is my official fitness and skin care sponsor for the upcoming Mrs. Oklahoma America pageant! Thank you especially to Tracy Wood for believing in my ability to become the next Mrs. America. Please visit their new location at 31st & Harvard and tell them Mrs. Tulsa sent you!

When I was awarded the Mrs. Tulsa title, I have to tell you that Sedona fitness and spa immediately came to mind. I cannot say enough about Sedona! The staff is knowledgeable and welcoming, the equipment is not only effective but aesthetically pleasing, and the Sedona spa provides access to the far infrared sauna for all members. The spa is also home to the Synergie treatment, an amazing FDA approved weight loss and cellulite reduction treatment as well as the Synergie facial...tanning facilities...martial arts classes for little ones and a cardio theatre... They also have personal training available and will be training me personally for Mrs. Oklahoma. After touring the spa & the fitness center, I knew that I wanted to call this my fitness home. This afternoon I spoke with Tracy Wood, the general manager. The man is enthusiasm meets vision meets generosity. This April I'm going to be in the best shape of my life and I have Sedona to thank for it!

In the meantime, please check out their website and come work out where I work out. ;) I hope to see you there!

Tulsa Club of Toastmasters International

2009-09-01T00:00:00.003-05:00

I had a great time at my first Toastmasters meeting tonight! As a guest, I simply listened and observed until I made my comments at the end. (Our President Meg made my first meeting very comfortable for me, and for that I'm very grateful!) It's a small but enthusiastic group, with people of varying comfort levels with regard to public speaking. Our club definitely has a workshop atmosphere. I highly suggest that anyone with interest in developing their speaking skills find a club and join now! The members are not intimidating and only wish to be your friend and help you. In addition, all of the members help each other to grow...Through giving and receiving, everyone improves their skills and contributes to each member's development and achievement of their goals. I feel so fortunate to have found this club and feel that it was meant to be! Thank you to Meg and the rest of the club for making me feel at home. Your congenial reception helped me to feel more comfortable than I expected. I look forward to attending and contributing in our next meeting!

Pageant poem

2009-08-31T17:27:00.003-05:00

It's not the title, nor the crown that counts.

It's not the weight that's lost that really amounts.

It's not the makeup design, or the gown that you wear,

Or the shape of your build or the length of your hair.

You see, the growth of a Queen is all done inside,

It's nothing support hose or makeup can hide.

The real preparation is done in the mind,

It's leaving your fears and your faults all behind.

It's lifting your soul to a place that's far seen,

It's molding a woman to the height of a Queen.

It's hard and it's work, it's not easily done,

But when it is over, you'll know who has won.

When the pageant is through and the lights are turned down,

You will know you're a winner and you will have your crown.

You see, all crowns are made different, it's really an art,

Yours can be rhinestones or the growth of the heart.

Upcoming Events

2009-08-31T14:53:00.006-05:00

Thank you to all of my friends who congratulated me about my new Mrs. Tulsa title! I am honestly thrilled and can't wait for the state pageant to be here! In the meantime, I feel great about being able to give back and prepare for the roles of Mrs. Oklahoma and Mrs. America as the current Mrs. Tulsa. Here are some upcoming events:

On September 9, I will be coleading the first workshop of six in the Forever. For Real. workshop series at Family & Children's Services. This particular workshop will be using the PREP curriculum, which is designed for married or engaged couples who want to protect their relationship from negatives and nurture their relationship's positive aspects. The class teaches immediately applicable techniques that will strengthen your marriage and benefit all of your interpersonal relationships. Bobby and I use these techniques in our marriage, and I have to say, the tools really work (if you use them!). Hopefully, we'll give our couples not only information but the enthusiasm and dedication to use what we teach at home. The classes takes place on Wednesday evenings from 6 PM to 8 PM. Click here to register. When it comes to the most important people in our lives, there is always more to learn.

I'm also going to be helping out at OMI booth at the Perfect Wedding Guide bridal show on September 21 at the Hard Rock Hotel & Casino in Catoosa. Stop by and say hello! Engaged couples can save $45 on their marriage license by attending a Forever. For Real. workshop. Our service delivery coordinator Amanda Carter once said, "Think about how much time you spend planning your wedding. Wouldn't it be worth the investment of 12 hours of your time to invest in your marriage?" Amen, sister. Learn how to keep the spark alive and protect your relationship from negative patterns by attending a workshop in your neighborhood.

Speaking of neighborhoods, Kendall Whittier, Inc.'s annual benefit, "A Beautiful Night For the Neighborhood", is approaching fast! There is still time to purchase your ticket or make a donation for our auction. The benefit will feature a special performance of Forever Plaid! I've never seen it myself but I have heard that this show is hilarious. Come out, laugh, and help out your neighbors by purchasing a ticket to support families from one of Tulsa's largest and most impoverished neighborhoods. Click here for more information about the event, and click here to read more about Kendall Whittier, Inc. or visit us on facebook. Check out the recent Tulsa World article!

This November, I will be judging the All American Idol contest in a benefit for the Bethel Foundation. I cannot tell you enough how wonderful this organization is! While I have chosen to focus on the needs of children after divorce (because I understand what they are going through), Lynda K. Powell, a former single mother herself and founder of the Bethel Foundation, has chosen to focus on meeting the needs of single mothers. I wish my mother would have had this kind of support. Raising three girls, alone, while holding a full-time job, trying to go back to school, while rebuilding yourself and your life emotionally, financially and spiritually is a difficult task for any woman. I can only imagine the strength required. Bethel shows these women that they are not alone, that someone understands their situation and is here to help. I look forward to doing more with Lynda and this wonderful foundation in the future.

My calendar is now filling up fast as I continue to support causes and organizations that mean a lot to me while promoting the Mrs. Oklahoma America organization. Please contact me to book a speaking engagement or other appearance, or to inform me of service opportunity related to helping children and families. Please send the details of the event, location, date and time and I will be sure to get back to you within 24 hours. I especially love speaking to children and youth! I look forward to doing more in Tulsa and throughout Oklahoma this year! I'd love to hear from you!

In the News...

2009-08-28T13:12:00.002-05:00

Tulsa Today posted an article about my new title! Here's the link:

Tulsa Today: Tulsa Community College Instructor is Selected as Mrs. Tulsa America 2010

In the News...

2009-08-27T12:18:00.004-05:00

Photo by Daryl Wilson / Tulsa World

Check out the Tulsa World article featuring Kendall Whittier, Inc.!
Thank you Danna Sue and Daryl for highlighting our event!

Tulsa World: Plaid to Highlight Kendall Whittier annual benefit

Mrs. Tulsa 2010!

2009-08-26T16:44:00.014-05:00

I recently took my first steps on the journey to become Mrs. America! I will be representing Tulsa in the Mrs. Oklahoma America pageant April 16-17, 2010 at the Guthrie Scottish Rite Temple. I'm very excited about it and will prepare to compete with no regrets while serving my community as Mrs. Tulsa.

In the time since I have given up my Mrs. Oklahoma International title, I've learned that it's not the crown but the woman wearing it that makes the difference. Confidence must radiate from the inside out. When we believe in ourselves, forgive ourselves for mistakes, learn from them, and go boldly forward, we give others permission to do the same. But if you can believe it, you can gain confidence, grow, and become a stronger person tomorrow than you are today. My friend, Heather Rouba, Mrs. Oklahoma America and future Mrs. America(!!!), as well as my friends Kara Shull and Cassondra Smith, have helped God reveal these truths to me this year. I'm so grateful that God has placed these amazing women in my life! I still have much to learn and I embrace the opportunity. Thanks for joining me on my journey! Stay tuned for updates!

Thank you Ihloff and Tulsa Drillers!

2009-08-26T16:42:00.003-05:00

Thank you to Ihloff Salon and The Tulsa Drillers for agreeing to donate for Kendall Whittier families. I'm constantly impressed and moved by the generosity and compassion of people from Tulsa.

Thank you Queenie's!

2009-08-24T20:12:00.001-05:00

On behalf of Kendall Whittier, Inc., I'd like to thank Queenie's at Utica Square for supporting a great cause and helping Tulsa children and families in the Kendall Whittier neighborhood! Please patronize Queenie's, Starbucks, Miss Jackson's penthouse salon, and Coach, and thank them for their gracious generosity in helping their neighbors.

Thank you Cassondra, Starbucks, Coach, and Miss Jackson's for supporting KWI!

2009-08-21T15:11:00.006-05:00

I met my friend Cassondra for coffee at Starbucks today, at the Utica Square location, to discuss our shared trepidation and plans for seeking auction item donations for KWI. I have no idea what has changed in the five years since I fundraised for the West Tulsa YMCA, but for some reason, this year I had been a little bit more nervous than usual about asking friends, family and community leaders for silent auction donations, even though it is for a wonderful and important cause. It's hard asking people for donations in this economy. Even so, I know that I love to have the opportunity to give, and I know that many business owners and mangers in Tulsa feel the same way. We gathered our courage and did our best!

Together, Cassondra and I did it! We spoke with representatives of Starbucks, Coach, Miss Jacksons, and many other stores. We were able to secure several wonderful donations today, and able to make several contacts that will hopefully become Kendall Whittier partners in the future. Cassondra and I overcame our fears and were able to really do something for KW families, and that makes me really proud of us. :) Great job Cassondra! Working together, we can help so many people!

I'd like to thank Starbucks, Coach, and Miss Jackson's for their donations and encourage others to give to help children to learn about nutrition, fitness, the importance of education and the dangers of substance abuse and premature sexual activity. We're also helping to feed many families in need and helping students to learn to love reading. Our students are receiving life changing mentoring and tutoring services. By providing these services and the tangible support of food and other items, we're giving families hope. I hope that you'll join the cause and give to our neighbors too.

Many people ask, "Who are these neighbors?" We're talking about families who live just north of 11th street. Looking at TU and its beautiful buildings, who would know that there were families living in such extreme poverty right next door? Thank you again to our donors! If you'd like to help, send me an email at SashaMTownsend@gmail.com, and I'll be sure to get back to you within 24 hours to set up an in-person meeting. Some people have told me, "You know, you can't save every child," but I know that if we've helped one child, we've done our job. Sometimes, it's just one caring adult that makes all of the difference. Kendall Whittier, Inc. has been helping children and families of our neighborhood for over 25 years. I am so grateful that I have the opportunity to help my neighbors! I hope you'll join the movement and help your neighbors too!

Visit us on facebook and visit our website for more information.

Kendall-Whittier, Inc.

2009-08-11T16:34:00.002-05:00

Hello friends and family! I have some news. I've been a volunteer with Kendall-Whittier, Inc. a very short time but I jumped in enthusiastically when I discovered their mission and found out what they are all about.

Kendall-Whittier, Inc.'s mission is to work together to improve the quality of life of the individuals of neighborhood. Specifically, KWI does this through their Emergency Food Pantry, an after-school tutoring and mentoring program, and community outreach and advocacy as a Partner in Education and through other avenues. For more information, go to www.kendallwhittierinc.org or visit us on facebook.

One of the things that I think makes KWI so special is that we're all about neighbors helping neighbors. The organization is focused on a specific group of people and their needs, rather than the needs that a certain group of volunteers want to meet. In a time when facebook, myspace, (blogger :)) and other social networking sites have replaced many face-to-face interactions, the work of KWI builds a sense of community. I believe that we all need to be connected to people. Each of us has something to offer, and the world is better when we all give of ourselves to help others. KWI volunteers and board members understand this. In addition to the life-changing work of providing students with role models, mentors, not to mention life skills, practical information, and tangible support in the form of food and supplies, these actions give people hope. It's amazing how much our actions speak so much louder than words do. Whenever my mom hears Extreme's "More Than Words" she thinks of me, and now I think, not only of her, but of the great work being done through KWI. When we bless people with something they need, they receive so much more than what is tangible and that's what Kendall-Whittier, Inc. is all about.

I'm currently serving a committee planning a benefit for KWI's annual fundraising event, titled "A Beautiful Night For the Neighborhood." I'm seeking monetary and silent auction donations for our event. KWI is a 501(c)(3) nonprofit, so every donation is tax deductible. In addition, every donor will be recognized and promoted through the visibility of their items. It truly is a win-win for every one who is willing and able to donate something and residents of our neighborhood. If you feel called to donate something, please send me an email with your contact information and I will call you within 24 hours to set up an in-person meeting. I believe wholehearted in the work KWI is doing for children and families who live just north of me. I appreciate your kindness, your support, and your prayers for our event!

Article about pageants in Wall Street Journal

2009-05-16T16:16:00.005-05:00

Wall Street Journal Article - Pretty on the Inside?

Love Your (Mom's) Heart this Mother's Day

2009-05-06T17:46:00.011-05:00

My mom and me after prelims at Mrs. International last summer

Best wishes for a heart-healthy Mother’s day!

I worry about my mom and her health all the time. She has such a full schedule that her own needs, including an active lifestyle and a healthy diet, often take a backseat. This is all too common, and something she cannot afford to do if she wants to continue to be able to help her family! We have a history of heart disease in our family so our risk is particularly high. Your mom already has your heart, so I'm sure you can relate. This Mother’s Day why not give her a gift that will last a lifetime – her own heart health.

Heart disease is the #1 killer of women, claiming the lives of one of three women in America. The American Heart Association doesn’t want you or your mom to be a statistic, so we created Go Red For Women, a nationwide movement to wipe out heart disease. The good news is that cardiovascular disease is largely preventable, it’s all about making heart-healthy choices, like ordering baked instead of fried or taking the stairs versus the elevator. And choosing to act.

ACT TODAY! Register your mom – and yourself – today and receive a sample recipe for guilt-free Blackberry Cake with Maple Icing, perfect for a Mother’s Day treat. The first 100 registrants also will receive a copy of the Go Red For Women Love Your Heart cookbook filled with delicious, heart-healthy recipes. In addition, everyone who registers will receive a red dress pin to proudly show your support and a monthly e-newsletter filled with heart-healthy tips programs, news, recipes and more.

You love your mom, now love your heart! We can turn our personal choices into life-saving actions. Our examples and activism can help save the lives of others, including the women we love. Let’s choose to beat heart disease, the number one killer of women at GoRedForWomen.org.

Our Hearts, Our Choices. Beat heart disease at GoRedForWomen.org.

This post is an adaptation of an email sent to me by Go Red for Women.

The Oklahoma International Pageants

2009-05-04T19:56:00.012-05:00

In all of the hubbub about my things getting stolen, I never posted about the wonderful contestants and their families! The ladies were unbelievable. Oklahoma International has an incredible sisterhood and the most amazing camaraderie. Every woman did her best, every woman benefited from the program, and every person grew through their involvement. For my opportunity to serve I am eternally grateful.

At the end of the night, Rachel Roberts, Mrs. Tulsa 2009, was selected as the new Mrs. Oklahoma International! Her response to her on-stage question gave me goosebumps. She is a natural, sincere, lovely woman with a message to share about postpartum depression. She is an excellent Mrs. Oklahoma already -- Rachel, welcome to our sisterhood! Rachel has such a big heart and I'm thrilled that she will represent Oklahoma! The first runner-up was the lovely Sherri Stewart. I honestly thought Sherri was going to win last year (the year I won!). Sherri has such personality! She is a fun, real, down-to-earth and beautiful woman spreading awareness of heart disease and stroke. The remaining contestants were just as beautiful and accomplished, and I feel honored to have had the chance to get to know them and learn about their diverse platforms. I know that the volunteerism will continue as each woman continues to promote her cause using her local title throughout the rest of the year.

The new Miss Oklahoma International is Caitlyn Taylor! What a beauty -- and another with a hilarious sense of humor! She had all of us cracking up backstage with her jokes about being a pretty, thin, blonde meteorology major. Her platform is Storm Ready. You have to listen to her talk about the weather -- She is a passionate young woman and she knows her stuff. Like all of the contestants, Cat shows that beauty and brains can come in the same package! Her first runner-up was Nicole Wray.

The new Miss Teen Oklahoma International is Lyndzee Vieweg. Lyndzee is stunning, with a passion for educating others and increasing funding for Lupus. She is another with a phenomenal sense of humor and a hugely generous spirit! She helped me with my stage make-up for the state Teen pageant last year.

The new Miss Junior Teen Oklahoma International is Summer Stolz. Summer is a beauty with excellent public speaking skills and a kindness and maturity that goes beyond her 10-12 years. This lovely young lady was very kind to me after the pageant. Hearing the kind words of this precious little girl meant so much to me.

Each of the contestants could have represented our state beautifully, but only four could take home their respective titles and all of the responsibilities and honors that come with them. Congratulations to every contestant for a job well done! I wish you the best of luck in all of your endeavors! Please keep in touch! Let your light shine!

Join me at the Go Red for Women Luncheon Tomorrow

2009-05-04T19:49:00.003-05:00

9:00am - 1:00pm
Renaissance Tulsa
Hotel and Convention Center
6808 South 107th East Avenue
Tulsa, OK 74133

The Go Red for Women campaign and Macy’s and Merck are working together to educate women about the #1 threat to women’s health – heart disease.

The Go Red for Women Luncheon is a fun and educational event designed to encourage women to become champions of health. The theme incorporates the 360 degrees of a woman’s influence: the community, home and work.

We anticipate over 750 women will attend the 2009 Go Red for Women Luncheon — a “red carpet” event comprised of corporate and social women with an education component focused on women’s health and a call to action.

Vendor exhibit booths will feature a variety of gifts for Mother’s Day, and our health expo will offer free health screenings (Heart Check-up, blood pressure, body mass index and glucose).

Mrs. Oklahoma International 2009 Rachel Roberts and I will be in attendance at the event, volunteering and helping our friends at the American Heart Association. The cost is $150 per person. Proceeds will be earmarked to fight heart disease and stroke in women. I hope to see you there!

I'm giving up my crown this weekend!

2009-04-23T19:02:00.006-05:00

My year as Mrs. Oklahoma International has been challenging and exciting. It has been exhausting at times, but it has been absolutely worth it. I have juggled a hectic schedule and I have learned a lot about this great state and her people. I have also learned a lot about myself, the person I am and the person I am becoming.

So...plans for the future? I have been asked by many if I will be competing in another pageant soon and what I will do next. It's almost hard to imagine having nothing to do, but soon I'll finish graduate school and give up my title. These events will happen within weeks of each other. I'll go from a crazy schedule with innumerable (I suppose they are actually infinitely countable -- that's a math joke -- Never mind.) responsibilities to a single part-time adjunct position at Tulsa Community College. Honestly, I am looking forward to the future and praying about God's purpose for me. Shall I finish my Ph. D.? Shall Bobby and I become parents? Shall I teach at the junior college or high school levels for a while? I don't know.

I do know that I'm going to read the Madame Curie and Ronald Reagan biographies that I've been wanting to finish for quite a while, and truth be told, I'm going to curl up with a cup of tea and my topology book, and reread and rework the problems that were assigned this semester -- just for fun -- this summer. :) Learning math is like discovering uncharted territory. It's always exciting and I always enjoy it. It gives me the same feelings that Shakespeare and Dickens give me. I'm also going to teach differential equations and calculus I (one) this summer at Tulsa Community College, and continue to volunteer on behalf of causes that mean the world to me and speak to youth, although not as often as I have this year as Mrs. Oklahoma. I'm going to pray and try to find out what my purpose is. I know I love higher math, and I love working with young people, so I'm sure that God will reveal the path that is best for Bobby, me and our future family, and I know that math and mentoring will be in it, but I'm not sure how.

As for another pageant, who knows what the future holds? I'm definitely looking in that direction but my concerns are much more in the present moment. Please know that my platform work for strengthening marriage and families and supporting children after divorce will always be close to my heart and always among my top priorities.

Good luck, Mrs. Oklahoma 2009! This is going to be a demanding, challenging, exciting year, full of countless enriching experiences and people...You're going to love it! Good luck to all of the contestants -- See you at the hotel tomorrow night!

With love and gratitude,
Mrs. Oklahoma International 2008,
Sasha Marie Townsend

Inspiration

2009-04-21T09:26:00.002-05:00

"I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord. "Plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." - Jeremiah 29:11

Heather Rouba won Mrs. Oklahoma America!

2009-04-19T13:12:00.007-05:00

My friend Heather Rouba was honored with the title of Mrs. Oklahoma America 2009 last night!

Heather contacted me a few months ago with questions about being Mrs. Oklahoma and about my platform of divorce support and divorce prevention. It turns out that we had had similar experiences: Both of us are adult children of divorce who were profoundly affected by our parents' decision. Heather will spend her year promoting her platform of Strengthening Marriage & Family as Mrs. Oklahoma America 2009, as well as Mrs. America's national platform of supporting music education. I am very proud of Heather, not only for her accomplishment last night, but also because I know that she will accomplish great things this year with the title, make Oklahoma proud, and represent all of the women in pageantry in a positive light. I have had the chance to get to know Heather and I look forward to hearing more about her year.

There are many wonderful pageants available for married women, especially in Oklahoma. I feel fortunate that Mrs. Oklahoma International, Mrs. Oklahoma America, and Mrs. Oklahoma United States all have excellent leadership, providing opportunities for married women to better themselves and make a difference.

One week from today, I will help Mr. Oklahoma 2009 crown my successor at the Mrs. Oklahoma International pageant. It has been a wonderful year, so ending it will be bittersweet, but I am thrilled at the chance to welcome a new woman to our sisterhood and share with her all of the wonderful experiences of being Mrs. Oklahoma!

Congrats Heather and Mrs. OK International delegates, I will see you on Friday night!