Thursday, April 1, 2010

Forgiving the Little Things...

Happy couples forgive the little things easily. In other words, they give their partners the benefit of the doubt. Forgiving the little things is a willingness to cut your partner some slack when he makes small mistakes, including those moments when he isn't being particularly polite or sensitive. This doesn't mean that you are excusing bad behavior or even being silent about it. It does mean that you're able to look past small mistakes and able to remember that your partner is still a good person.

If you're having trouble forgiving the little things, try these attitude adjustments:
  1. Consider the circumstances, rather than blaming your partner. When we make mistakes, we have a tendency to blame extenuating circumstances. When others make mistakes, we tend to attribute the mistake to a character flaw. For the small mistakes, give your partner the benefit of the doubt. If your partner is in a bad mood, consider the possibility that he or she may be upset about something that he or she feels is important, or the possibility that your partner is ill, hungry, tired or overworked. Our relationships get into trouble when we begin to label our partners negatively. If you can empathize and remember that your partner is a good person, your relationship will be better for it.
  2. Consider your own mood at the time. It's possible that you may be viewing the world more negatively because you are ill, hungry, tired or overworked, or upset about something important. Ask yourself, "If I was in a better mood, would I view this situation differently?"
  3. Consider the possibility that conflict and negativity has been escalating for a while. Maybe your partner did hurt you on purpose, because you hurt him on purpose last week, and you hurt him on purpose last week because of some nasty comment he made the day before. Realize that your escalation is moving you farther and farther apart. It's not getting you anywhere and both of you are becoming less and less happy. Make a decision to end the cycle. Agree to a truce if possible. Even if your partner never knows you're doing it, if you begin to treat your partner with thoughtfulness and consideration, it is likely that, in time, he or she will respond in kind to you as well. This is easier said than done, I know, but it can be done. If you want your relationship to become more satisfying, you have to begin planting positivity. Over time, you'll very likely reap what you sow.

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